a play by
Will Kern
Copyright © 1994 by Will Kern
Skeleton
was first produced in January 1994 at Shattered Globe Theatre in Chicago, IL.
It
was directed by Wilson Milam featuring the following cast:
Robert
Edgington, ¡°Edge¡±: Jeff Still
Annie
O¡¯Shea: Rebecca Jordan
Bartender/miscellaneous
parts: Marty Duffy.
The
action takes place in Chicago, IL, sometime in the early 1990s.
SCENE
1
Lights
up on ANNIE, a woman in her mid-thirties. Annie is kind of frumpy looking, a
little hard, yet sensual. She is
sitting alone, center stage, drinking from a bottle of wine. We hear the sound of music coming from
a closed room. A door opens and we
hear the music get louder. EDGE,
also 30s, comes on stage. He is
more than a little overweight without being obese. Annie doesn¡¯t notice him at first. Suddenly a happily screaming MAN comes running out the door,
past Edge and off stage. Edge
shuts the door and goes over to Annie.
EDGE
What
is it with that Jeff Blanchard guy?
ANNIE
He¡¯s,
he¡¯s, uh, he¡¯s, uh, ¡¦
EDGE
Every
party, it gets to be late in the evening and he starts cracking open beers and
pouring them on his head.
ANNIE
What
a guy.
EDGE
He
does it as a joke.
ANNIE
King
of fucking comedy.
EDGE
Beer
is good for your hair, he says.
ANNIE
The
shampoo king. Like he ever washed
his hair in his life.
EDGE
Jeff
Blanchard is a little strange.
ANNIE
Jeff
Blanchard is a fat slob.
EDGE
And
then the party runs out of beer.
Not this time though.
McClosky stopped him this time.
ANNIE
Don¡¯t
get me started on McClosky.
EDGE
You
got to hand it to McClosky. Man of
the hour.
ANNIE
McClosky
should bathe, speaking of McClosky.
EDGE
McClosky
is every woman¡¯s dream.
ANNIE
Oh,
right. He smells like noodle soup.
(The
Man comes running through screaming, back into the party.)
ANNIE
Ever feel like you¡¯re in a small town? Living in it?
EDGE
Yeah.
ANNIE
I do. Same old people. Same old thing.
EDGE
Exactly. It¡¯s not that I
don¡¯t like it. You know. The small town thing. Feel. In the city.
ANNIE
Yeah. Except that it¡¯s so
fucking boring most of the time.
EDGE
Yeah.
(pause)
You came out here because Bill showed up, right?
ANNIE
What?
EDGE
Because Bill came. That¡¯s
why you, uh¡¦ Your purse. I saw you grab it when he stepped
through the door. The front door.
When he came in.
ANNIE
Well¡¦
EDGE
I¡¯m sorry about the guy.
There¡¯s just no figuring him out.
ANNIE
What¡¯s to figure out? Guy¡¯s
a jerk.
EDGE
He¡¯s really not.
ANNIE
Fuck him.
(pause)
Listen to me. Nice language,
huh?
EDGE
He¡¯s just all screwed up when it comes to relationships is all. He¡¯s been like that since I¡¯ve known
him. That doesn¡¯t make him a jerk,
you know, or anything. Little
confused¡¦
ANNIE
You know what he is, Edge?
He¡¯s a lying, self-centered, egotistical crybaby.
EDGE
Oh.
ANNIE
Lazy, back-stabbing, cheating, son-of-a-bitch, asshole, cocksucking jerk
off.
EDGE
I see.
ANNIE
Well, he is.
EDGE
(pause)
Are you okay?
ANNIE
Yeah, I¡¯m okay. I¡¯m a little
drunk.
EDGE
Yeah, me too.
ANNIE
But thanks for asking. I
appreciate it. I really do.
(A
loud scream comes from the party.)
ANNIE
I really got to go.
Goodnight, Edge.
(She
hands him the wine bottle, picks up her handbag.)
EDGE
Goodnight.
(pause)
Uh¡¦
ANNIE
What?
EDGE
Annie¡¦
ANNIE
Yes?
EDGE
I know you probably hate men now¡¦ And who¡¯s to say? You probably should. Given the way things turned out, uh,
you know¡¦
ANNIE
Uh-huh¡¦
EDGE
What I¡¯m trying to say is, I find you very attractive.
ANNIE
(pause)
Come on¡¦
EDGE
I do.
ANNIE
Really?
EDGE
Yes, I do.
ANNIE
I¡¯m flattered.
EDGE
You shouldn¡¯t be flattered.
You¡¯re an attractive woman.
You know that.
ANNIE
Well¡¦ You know¡¦ Not necessarily.
EDGE
Yeah. Well. I¡¯ve always¡¦ You know¡¦ You
and I. Well, I¡¯ve always liked you
a lot. You¡¯ve always been a good
friend. Of mine.
ANNIE
Oh yeah. Yeah.
EDGE
I¡¯m Mr. Smooth here. That¡¯s
what I am, right? Mr. Smooth. Am I turning red? My face is getting all hot.
ANNIE
No.
EDGE
I am¡¦ you know¡¦
(pause)
This whole thing. I¡¯ve been
trying for weeks, you know, since Bill broke up with you, or you guys broke up,
I¡¯ve been trying to figure out how I could¡¦
(Loud
party noises.)
EDGE
See, the only reason I went to this party was because I knew you¡¯d be
here. And, uh¡¦
ANNIE
Here we are.
EDGE
And I am crazy about you. I
am totally head over heels in love with you. And have been since I saw you. Met you.
(long
pause)
I, uh, I don¡¯t know. I hope
you don¡¯t think I¡¯m like this big loser or anything.
ANNIE
I don¡¯t.
EDGE
¡®Cause that would really hurt.
Really.
ANNIE
Why would you even say that?
EDGE
Well, because I¡¯ve been unemployed for a long time. I mean a long
time. And I haven¡¯t had a
girlfriend in, jeez, I don¡¯t know.
Years.
ANNIE
Yeah. I¡¯ve always kind of
wondered about that, actually. The
girlfriend thing.
EDGE
Well, you know, that¡¯s the way life is. It¡¯s damn near impossible to meet someone in the first
place, let alone somebody who you think is perfect for you and when you do it
turns out to be your roommate¡¯s girlfriend. I know you always thought of me as Bill¡¯s roommate. Probably.
ANNIE
No, I¡¦ No.
EDGE
Well, I mean¡¦
ANNIE
Uh¡¦
EDGE
You know¡¦
ANNIE
(pause)
I find you an attractive person.
EDGE
Great.
ANNIE
Man. Guy. You¡¯ve always been a good friend of
mine. And I¡¯ve always felt like
there was something between us.
EDGE
Really?
ANNIE
Sure. But things aren¡¯t what
you¡¯d call rosy with me right now.
(pause)
You don¡¯t want to get anything started with me. That would be a real bad idea.
EDGE
You¡¯re the only thing I¡¯ve been thinking about for weeks now. Which is good. Takes my mind off being out of work.
ANNIE
Thank you. That¡¯s very nice
of you to say.
(pause)
This is so weird.
EDGE
Yeah. I know.
ANNIE
You shouldn¡¯t say things like that about yourself. That you¡¯re a loser.
EDGE
I know.
ANNIE
Listen to me. Like I should
be giving you advice at all.
(pause)
So¡¦
(She
picks up her hand bag again and starts to leave.)
EDGE
I¡¯d like to spend the night with you.
ANNIE
Kind of quick, isn¡¯t it?
EDGE
Quick? Uh, yes¡¦
ANNIE
Well, it is.
EDGE
I know. But I care about you
a lot. And I¡¦ You know¡¦ And I want to hold you. It¡¯s been a long time. Since somebody¡¯s held me. Close.
(pause)
I don¡¯t know what else to tell you.
(Loud
party noises from inside.)
ANNIE
I hope you¡¯re not disappointed.
EDGE
How could I possibly be disappointed?
ANNIE
This is so weird.
SCENE 2
Edge and Annie are in Annie¡¯s apartment. Annie puts on the soft music. After a moment she takes off her shirt. Edge does the same. She goes to him and finishes taking off
his shirt.
EDGE
I know what you¡¯re thinking.
You¡¯re thinking, ¡°He¡¯s fat.¡±
ANNIE
I was not.
EDGE
Hey, it¡¯s okay.
ANNIE
You¡¯re not that fat.
EDGE
That fat. No, I¡¯m not that fat. But I am fat. Fat enough not to be thin.
ANNIE
Hey, I know what fat is. I
used to be fat.
EDGE
Did you get as fat as me?
ANNIE
No.
EDGE
Ah-ha. See?
(She
pulls off her camisole.)
EDGE
(pause)
My God. You¡¯re really
something.
(They
embrace, kiss. She begins rubbing
his genitals. He brushes her hand
away. She goes after them again, and
again he brushes her hand away.)
ANNIE
What¡¯s the matter?
EDGE
Nothing.
(pause)
It¡¯s like this. Sometimes my
body gets really weird. It¡¯s like
my body doesn¡¯t know your body.
(She
sits on the bed.)
EDGE
It just takes awhile, that¡¯s all.
I might take a couple of times.
(He
sits next to her, awkwardly.)
EDGE
I mean. I enjoy this. I enjoy touching you. My body just gets a little nervous
sometimes, that¡¯s all.
(He
stops, moves slightly away from her.)
EDGE
I¡¯m sorry.
ANNIE
Don¡¯t be sorry.
(They
sit hesitantly for a moment, not sure how to proceed. He reaches to her
and they touch. She pushes him
back on the bed.)
SCENE 3
The morning after. Edge is
still in bed. Annie is walking
around the room getting dressed.
EDGE
What time is it?
ANNIE
I think it¡¯s about 10:00.
EDGE
You want to go out and get some breakfast.
ANNIE
Not really.
EDGE
Spinach omelet? Hash brown?
ANNIE
No, I don¡¯t think so.
EDGE
Oh. Okay.
ANNIE
Not for any reason. I just have
things to do today. That¡¯s all.
EDGE
It¡¯s Saturday.
ANNIE
I know. But I¡¯ve got to
clean my apartment and stuff. And
I have to prepare for my interview.
EDGE
Oh. Okay.
(pause)
Who do you got an interview with?
ANNIE
Leo Burnett.
EDGE
I¡¯m assuming that¡¯s an ad agency.
ANNIE
Yeah.
EDGE
I¡¯ve got an interview Monday too.
ANNIE
Really? Who with?
EDGE
This cab company.
ANNIE
Yeah?
EDGE
Hey, you know, you do whatever.
Course, I got to take the Chauffeur¡¯s test first. City landmarks and stuff. And I¡¯ve got a painting job on
Wednesday. Listen, I really don¡¯t
want to talk about that. Um, I¡¯d
like to take you out on a date. Or
something.
ANNIE
A date?
EDGE
Sure.
ANNIE
(pause)
Okay.
EDGE
Yeah?
ANNIE
Sure.
EDGE
Well, damn. That was
easy. Usually it¡¯s just a flat out
¡®no¡¯ and that¡¯s the end of it. I¡¯m
kidding, of course. Sort of. Monday night?
ANNIE
Call me.
EDGE
I will.
ANNIE
Good.
EDGE
One thing though.
ANNIE
What?
EDGE
Something we need to talk about.
ANNIE
What?
EDGE
I don¡¯t feel guilty about any of this.
ANNIE
Neither do I.
EDGE
He tells me all the time that he¡¯s still in love with you but he wouldn¡¯t
take you back. I don¡¯t know that that means. But I don¡¯t feel guilty about this. I feel good about this.
(Annie
walks out of the room.)
ANNIE
(OS)
Fuck him.
EDGE
Well, whatever.
(pause)
So, I guess I¡¯m going to go.
So I¡¯ll call you. About our
date.
ANNIE
(OS)
I¡¯d like that.
EDGE
Okay. Say about seven
o¡¯clock.
ANNIE
(OS)
Sure.
EDGE
Okay then.
(Long
pause.)
SCENE 4
A bar. Edge is sitting at
the bar drinking. A BARTENDER
stands nearby staring off into space.
EDGE
This is the best damn beer I¡¯ve ever had in my entire life.
(Annie
comes on, sits next to Edge.)
EDGE
Hey Annie¡¦
ANNIE
(preoccupied)
What?
EDGE
What do you call a nervous tick?
A jitterbug. Get it?
ANNIE
Goddamn bastards.
EDGE
I just made that up. Can you
believe it? I¡¯m a genius.
ANNIE
A receptionist. What am I?
EDGE
Hey Annie.
ANNIE
What?
EDGE
You know what would really make this joint? Personalized cocktail napkins. What do you think?
ANNIE
Told me from the outset. Had
the NERVE¡¦
EDGE
Little touch of class. Like
this place needs it. So, Annie,
what do you call a—
ANNIE
Man, enough! All right?
EDGE
I¡¯m just trying to cheer you up.
ANNIE
Well stop it for Christ¡¯s sake.
We probably should have made this another night.
EDGE
I¡¯m having a wonderful time.
ANNIE
Do you lie a lot? Is that
one of the things I didn¡¯t know about you? That you¡¯re this big liar?
EDGE
Of course I¡¯m a liar. I lie
all the time. I¡¯m lying now.
ANNIE
I want a job. I don¡¯t want
to keep living off my unemployment.
EDGE
I know.
ANNIE
Oh God, I¡¯ve been going on and on about this. How did it go with the cab company?
EDGE
They¡¯re not going to hire me.
ANNIE
Why not? Because you¡¯re overqualified?
EDGE
No, they could give a shit about that. They won¡¯t hire me because I can¡¯t get a chauffeur¡¯s
license.
ANNIE
Why not? I thought it was
just streets and stuff.
EDGE
(quietly)
I failed the test.
ANNIE
What?
EDGE
I failed the test.
ANNIE
How?
EDGE
It was one of those kinds of tests where they have four answers, two
answers are obviously wrong, and two answers are right. So you can pick a right answer but get
counted wrong. And that¡¯s what
happened. So I have to take it
again. Next month.
ANNIE
At least you¡¯ve got that painting coming up.
EDGE
It got cancelled.
ANNIE
(signals
to the bartender)
Why?
EDGE
I don¡¯t know. Goddamn
aluminum siding.
ANNIE
Yeah. I want some more wine.
EDGE
Hey, what do you say we just go.
ANNIE
Fine. After this glass.
(Edge
pulls a small wrapped gift from his pocket.)
EDGE
Hey Annie. I brought you a
present.
ANNIE
You shouldn¡¯t have.
EDGE
I know. But I thought it
might be a nice thing.
ANNIE
You should save your money.
EDGE
Hey, aren¡¯t I entitled to a little pleasure?
ANNIE
(takes
it happily)
I can¡¯t believe you bought me a present.
EDGE
But don¡¯t open it yet.
(Annie
shakes the package. Edge is
pleased with himself.)
SCENE 5
Annie¡¯s apartment. Annie and
Edge come in, Edge playfully dragging her. Annie turns on the radio.
EDGE
You are a stunningly beautiful woman.
ANNIE
Oh, shut up.
EDGE
No, really.
ANNIE
You¡¯re such a liar.
EDGE
You have the most beautiful eyes I¡¯ve ever seen. They look like little wet chestnuts.
ANNIE
Are you through?
EDGE
What?
ANNIE
You know what.
EDGE
Hey, what¡¯s the deal with your apartment? Is it settling?
ANNIE
Please¡¦
EDGE
I can¡¯t help it. You¡¯re
beautiful, I got to tell you.
ANNIE
I am not a beautiful woman and you know it. I am an average looking woman. And don¡¯t try to tell me I¡¯m anything else. Because I¡¯m not. I look like what I look like and that¡¯s
all.
EDGE
Whoa, you¡¯re¡¦ What?
ANNIE
I just don¡¯t know why you have to tell me this stuff. ¡°You¡¯re a stunningly beautiful
woman.¡± What is that?
(shifts
tone)
Oh, Boo Boo, I¡¯m sleeping with you.
You don¡¯t have to flatter me.
EDGE
Boo Boo? Why don¡¯t you open
your present?
ANNIE
(pause)
Oh, now I¡¯ve made you feel bad.
EDGE
How?
ANNIE
Because I feel like I¡¯ve been bitching at you.
EDGE
Well, you have been. But
that¡¯s okay.
(She
opens the present. It¡¯s a
pre-owned cassette tape.)
ANNIE
Elvis?
EDGE
You like Elvis?
ANNIE
Isn¡¯t he that singer from Alabama or somewhere?
EDGE
I¡¯m busting a gut.
ANNIE
Everybody loves a smart ass.
EDGE
That¡¯s not really the present though. This is the present.
(He
takes the cassette from her, puts it in her tape player. The song
¡°Good
Luck Charm¡± comes up. Edge does a
comical dance and sings
the
song. Annie laughs hysterically
throughout. When it¡¯s done, she
runs
over
and throws her arms around him.)
EDGE
I know what you¡¯re thinking.
You¡¯re thinking, ¡°Elvis: The Later Years.¡±
ANNIE
I was not.
EDGE
(He
puts her head on his chest)
Listen closely. Do you hear
that? You put that sound in there.
ANNIE
What is it?
EDGE
It¡¯s the sound of fluttering angels¡¯ wings in my heart.
ANNIE
Prove it.
(They
kiss.)
SCENE 6
Edge and Annie have finished making love. Edge is a little tired. Annie is sitting up in bed.
EDGE
Jesus Christ.
ANNIE
That was really great.
EDGE
Well, that¡¯s good to hear. Better than ¡°you suck.¡± Do you want another glass of wine?
ANNIE
Yes please.
EDGE
(reaches
for the bottle on the headboard)
I¡¯ll get it.
ANNIE
Do you see my cigarettes anywhere?
EDGE
(pours
them to glasses of wine)
Uh-uh.
ANNIE
(finds
the cigarettes)
Got ¡®em.
(She
lights a cigarette. She takes a
drag or two off the cigarette and
suddenly,
without warning, her body sags.
It¡¯s as if an invisible curtain
has
fallen in front of her. She looks
very, very depressed.)
EDGE
What¡¯s the matter?
ANNIE
Nothing.
EDGE
Are you all right?
ANNIE
Fine.
EDGE
Annie?
(hands
her a glass of wine)
Annie?
ANNIE
What?
EDGE
Is it Bill?
ANNIE
Who?
EDGE
My roommate?
ANNIE
What? Oh. No. No. This happens
every time I have sex. I always
feel really guilty.
EDGE
Honey, there¡¯s nothing to feel guilty about.
ANNIE
I know.
EDGE
Sex is a wonderful thing.
It¡¯s a beautiful thing, like a painting. Like a Rembrandt.
I am constantly in awe of sex.
(Annie
puts out her cigarette and chugs her wine.)
¡°The lust of the goat is the bounty of God.¡± And of course it¡¯s so much better when you really care
for¡¦ Hey, easy, easy¡¦
(She
hands him the glass and pulls the covers over her head.)
ANNIE
Shut out the light.
SCENE 7
Annie and Edge are sleeping.
Annie wakes up from a bad dream. Edge turns on the light.
EDGE
Hey. Hey.
ANNIE
(pushes
his hand away)
Don¡¯t touch me.
EDGE
Okay.
ANNIE
Just don¡¯t.
(She
gets out of bed, sits away from him with the covers pulled
around
her.)
EDGE
What?
ANNIE
I don¡¯t want to have a relationship with you. Do you understand that?
EDGE
Sure.
ANNIE
It¡¯s nothing against you.
You¡¯re a nice guy. You
really are and I enjoy your company very much. But I don¡¯t want a boyfriend.
EDGE
I understand.
ANNIE
It¡¯s not like I want to see anybody else or anything like that. But it seems like you want something
more from me. If you want to sleep
together, that¡¯s fine. But I can¡¯t
give you anything else. I just
don¡¯t have it to give.
EDGE
(pause)
As far as I¡¯m concerned, this is the relationship that you and I have:
you and me are good friends. And
we¡¯re sleeping together. And
that¡¯s it.
ANNIE
I am so glad you said that.
That is such a load of my mind.
(He
looks at her a moment, then shuts off the light.)
SCENE 8
The bar. Edge is sitting at
the bar, talking on the bar telephone.
Music on the jukebox. The
bartender looks blankly ahead.
EDGE
(on
the phone)
No, I haven¡¯t found a job yet¡¦
What do you mean? Of course I¡¯ve been looking. What do you think I¡¯ve been doing? ¡¦
There isn¡¯t any work¡¦ No, what do
you think? What do you think? I
love being unemployed. It¡¯s great
for my dignity¡¦ And what do you
suggest?¡¦ How many times do—My
Masters is in Contemporary Mythology, not accounting¡¦ Accounting¡¦
Well, you¡¯re right, but hindsight¡¯s 20/20. Thanks for the advice.
Hey to tell you the truth, I just stepped out of the shower and I¡¯m
soaking wet¡¦ I¡¯m calling you back now, aren¡¯t I?¡¦ That¡¯s the radio¡¦
I love you too, Mom. Bye.
(hands
the phone to the bartender)
Jesus Christ, anybody else want to take a shot at me while I¡¯m just
standing here?
(an
Elvis tune, ¡°Don¡¯t Be Cruel¡±, comes up on the jukebox.)
Elvis might have been a bloated fat drug addict when he died, but as far
as I¡¯m concerned, he was the King Stud.
(Annie
comes up behind him)
ANNIE
He was a bloated fat guy, that¡¯s for sure.
(The
bartender pours her a glass of wine.
Edge and Annie start playfully
dancing.)
EDGE
(singing)
¡°I don¡¯t want no one-eyed love
Baby, it¡¯s still you I¡¯m thinking of¡¦¡±
ANNIE
What? What did you say?
EDGE
What?
ANNIE
Did you say ¡°one-eyed love¡±?
EDGE
Hey, I didn¡¯t write the song.
ANNIE
That¡¯s not the way the song goes.
EDGE
I¡¯ve been singing that song all my life. I think I know how the song goes.
ANNIE
It¡¯s ¡°I don¡¯t want no other love.¡±
EDGE
What?
ANNIE
¡°I don¡¯t want no other love.¡±
Not ¡°I don¡¯t want no one-eyed love.¡± What the hell does that mean?
EDGE
I think it¡¯s one-eyed.
ANNIE
That doesn¡¯t make any sense.
EDGE
Well, anyway, whether it makes sense or not, Elvis was still the King
Stud as far as this boys¡¯ concerned.
ANNIE
Oh, well.
EDGE
And that¡¯s what we have in common.
Elvis was as stud. I¡¯m a
stud. Brothers of the stud.
ANNIE
Too bad you guys never cut an album. You and those golden tones.
EDGE
How many lovers do you think I¡¯ve had?
ANNIE
I really wouldn¡¯t know.
EDGE
Go on, take a guess.
ANNIE
I, I really¡¦
EDGE
How many have you had?
ANNIE
I really wouldn¡¯t know that either.
EDGE
Oh, come on, I can¡¯t believe you don¡¯t know. You can tell me.
Go ahead.
ANNIE
Oh¡¦ Seventy?
EDGE
Seventy?
ANNIE
Is that a lot?
EDGE
Seventy?
ANNIE
I really don¡¯t know. I could
probably remember them all if I tried.
EDGE
I can¡¯t believe you¡¯ve had that many lovers.
ANNIE
How many have you had?
EDGE
There¡¯s no way you could remember that many lovers. Every guy. There¡¯s just no way.
Where did you meet these guys?
In bars?
ANNIE
No, at school mostly. At
parties and stuff. Used to be it
didn¡¯t take much for me to hop in the sack.
EDGE
I guess not.
ANNIE
All you pretty much had to do was ask it was, ¡°okay.¡±
EDGE
Isn¡¯t that nice.
ANNIE
How many lovers have you had?
EDGE
Never mind how many lovers I¡¯ve had. Jesus Christ.
Whatever possessed me to bring up this subject.
ANNIE
I haven¡¯t been out on many dates though. The other night was the first one in years.
(She
takes a long swig off her wine.)
EDGE
Do you realize you and I have been sleeping together for almost a month
now and we¡¯ve never had sex sober?
ANNIE
So?
EDGE
So don¡¯t you think that¡¯s a little odd?
ANNIE
No.
EDGE
You don¡¯t?
ANNIE
I¡¯ve never had sex sober.
EDGE
Never?
ANNIE
What¡¯s the big deal?
EDGE
Annie, you¡¯ve got to be kidding me.
Sex is one of the most heightened experiences in life. And it¡¯s all the more alive if it¡¯s not
dulled. Your senses.
ANNIE
Here we go again.
EDGE
You do enjoy it, don¡¯t you?
ANNIE
Oh, sure.
EDGE
Well, that¡¯s what we¡¯ll have to do then. Sometime. I
mean, obviously not tonight.
ANNIE
(motions
to the bartender)
Another here, bartender.
EDGE
Are you hearing what I¡¯m saying?
ANNIE
I really don¡¯t think I¡¯d be interested in that.
EDGE
Why not?
ANNIE
Because I¡¯m not.
EDGE
Yeah, but why not? What¡¯s
the deal? Do you have to drink
before you have sex?
ANNIE
I don¡¯t¡¯ have to do anything.
EDGE
Then what¡¯s the deal?
ANNIE
What¡¯s your problem?
EDGE
There¡¯s no problem. I just,
you know¡¦
ANNIE
I already told you sex makes me feel guilty.
EDGE
Yeah? So?
ANNIE
So one way that I, uh, get comfortable in order to, uh, do it is to
drink.
EDGE
But why do you feel guilty?
ANNIE
What are you, my fucking shrink?
Stop asking me so many goddamn questions.
EDGE
The only reason I¡¯m asking you, even talking about it at all is because I
care about you. I have no reason
to just pry into your person business.
I have no reason.
ANNIE
Then don¡¯t.
EDGE
I won¡¯t.
(pause)
Someday though. Someday you
and I will have sex when we¡¯re both straight.
ANNIE
Maybe.
EDGE
It¡¯s great. Really.
ANNIE
I¡¯m not making any promises.
EDGE
Trust me. I¡¯m the King Stud,
remember?
ANNIE
And Elvis is dead.
(She
gets up and begins dancing by herself.)
SCENE 8
Annie is talking to her therapist.
ANNIE
No, as a matter of fact, I had a really terrible week. That stuff you told me to do last
week? None of it worked. I haven¡¯t had any bad dreams lately,
but¡¦
(pause)
I probably shouldn¡¯t even tell you about this because I know what you¡¯re
going to say. As if every
situation in the world is exactly the same. And what am I supposed to do about it? Especially now?
(pause)
I had sex sober for the first time in my life yesterday.
(pause)
His name is Robert Edgington.
¡°Edge¡± for short. Can you
imagine anyone over 30 having such a ridiculous name? And it¡¯s so unlike him. ¡°Edge.¡± More
like ¡°Smudge.¡±
(pause)
It was terrible. It was, uh,
yeah. You know.
(pause)
He brought me flowers.
Roses. There was a little
card attached. It was cute. He¡¯d drawn a picture of two cartoon
characters, Ren and Stempy. The
card said Happy Happy Joy Joy.
Then he started telling me how beautiful I am and all that crap. Can you imagine? He¡¯s a big liar. He lies all the time. Not that I mind.
(pause)
We made love. The whole
time. I¡¦ I could feel my heart pounding. I love the way he touches me. And it¡¯s not bad.
It¡¯s not bad. At all. It¡¯s good in fact.
(pause)
And then the whole thing.
(pause)
Ends. As usual.
(pause)
Later that morning we went to the beach. Beach. If
you want to call it that. That
beach over there on Foster Street.
And he was singing this goofy song he didn¡¯t know the words to.
(pause)
I want to love this man so badly.
I want him more than anything I¡¯ve ever wanted in my entire life. Except to be well.
(pause)
My God. Why can¡¯t he just
leave me the fuck alone?
SCENE 10
Edge and Annie are down by the lake skipping stones in the surf.
EDGE
(sings)
¡°Kiss and angel good morning, and love her life a¡¦¡±
ANNIE
You¡¯ve been singing that song all morning.
EDGE
Wish I knew the rest of the words.
(sings)
¡°And love her like a¡¦ Squid?¡±
(Annie
skips a stone.)
EDGE
That¡¯s a good one. Ten?
ANNIE
More like seven.
EDGE
Seven. Ten. Watch this one.
(He
skips a stone.)
ANNIE
Ten?
EDGE
You¡¯re a riot, Alice. More
like three. Lake Michigan is so
putrid. Look at all the dead fish.
ANNIE
Smelts.
EDGE
Yeah. And they don¡¯t look so
good either.
ANNIE
Your jokes are really terrible.
EDGE
I wonder who has to clean up all the dead fish?
ANNIE
They have trucks come by, I¡¯m sure.
EDGE
Imagine having that for a job.
ANNIE
Imagine having a job.
EDGE
Yeah.
(Annie
sighs)
What?
ANNIE
Nothing.
EDGE
Do you have something to tell me or are you just going to look out at the
water? Hello?
ANNIE
When my mother was pregnant with my little sister, she was in an awful
state because pregnancy didn¡¯t set with her too well. Some women are like that, you know. Anyway, my father came home from
fishing one afternoon with a couple of fish in the cooler and they were live
and my mother started crying, ¡°Fish! Fish! How could you do that to the poor fish! In front of the children!¡± She was trying to protect me, see, me
and my brother. From what I don¡¯t
know. Seeing the death of fish, I
guess. Like I said, pregnancy
didn¡¯t set with her too well. And
she got so hysterical she made my dad go into the bathroom and flush them.
(pause)
I don¡¯t remember much about my childhood, but I¡¯ll never forget the look
on her face. My God I miss that
woman.
(pause)
I appreciate you not dropping me flat on my ass. I realize I¡¯m not the easiest person to
be around sometimes.
EDGE
You never want to talk about it.
What¡¯s going on. With you.
(pause)
How do you know I couldn¡¯t help you?
ANNIE
You can¡¯t.
EDGE
Yeah, but how do you know?
ANNIE
Madam Sasha knows all.
EDGE
All right, how many times is this stone going to skip?
ANNIE
Five.
(Edge
skips the stone and from his reaction we can tell the stone did indeed
skip
five times. Pause.)
I¡¯m a fucking psychic.
EDGE
You swear a lot.
A
MAN walks onto the beach with an obnoxiously loud boom box playing
obnoxiously
loud music. He sits next to
them. Edge and Annie look at
each
other.)
SCENE 11
Edge and Annie are in Annie¡¯s apartment. They are looking through the want ads in the Sunday
paper. Annie is having a little
wine. She finishes her section and
throws it on the floor next to Edge.
EDGE
Here¡¯s one.
(reading)
Make a hundred grand a year for doing nothing! If you like to travel and love rock and roll and the
opposite sex, give me a call!¡±
ANNIE
It¡¯s a beautiful day. We
should go out.
EDGE
What? In the sun? Look, here¡¯s one for you.
(reads)
Pilots needed. Expanding
courier service now hiring qualified pilots.¡± That would be a good job for you. All you have to do is learn how to fly a plane.
ANNIE
Who says I don¡¯t know how to fly a plane?
EDGE
Excuse me. I forgot what an
iconoclast you are.
ANNIE
Iconoclast? I always go
first class.
EDGE
Ouch.
ANNIE
Sounds like you.
EDGE
Oh. An apt pupil. Look, here¡¯s a job in India.
ANNIE
You¡¯d have to relocate.
EDGE
I couldn¡¯t do it anyway. I
don¡¯t have a three-piece sutra.
How do I do it?
ANNIE
If you get near a joke, tell it.
EDGE
See, my cuts out little ads from the classifieds and sends them to me
every now and then, just in case I¡¯ve missed them. You know, stuff like ¡°Senior Systems Analyst Wanted¡± or
¡°Landfill Management Specialist.¡±
You know how mothers are.
They want the best for their children but they can¡¯t resist twisting the
knife once in a while.
ANNIE
My mother wasn¡¯t like that.
EDGE
I¡¯m sure she wasn¡¯t, dear. I
didn¡¯t mean anything by it.
(throws
down the paper)
Goddamn it. I am so tired of
this.
ANNIE
I know, Edge.
EDGE
Why does everything have to be so goddamn difficult?
ANNIE
I know.
EDGE
(long
pause)
Do you know where I¡¯d be if I didn¡¯t have you? Do you have any idea of what you mean to me? You¡¯re the only thing that keeps me
going. You¡¯re the only thing in my
life that¡¯s worth anything at all.
Do you know what I¡¯m saying to you?
ANNIE
Let¡¯s go get a drink.
EDGE
Let¡¯s make love.
ANNIE
Now?
EDGE
Yes.
ANNIE
I want to.
EDGE
Then we should.
ANNIE
I really do. I want to.
EDGE
Good.
ANNIE
But I want to get a drink first.
EDGE
You have a nice mouth. It
looks like the top of a coffee cup.
ANNIE
I know where I want to go.
SCENE 12
Edge and Annie are in church.
A loud organ is heard.
EDGE
This place is huge. It¡¯s
like a cavern.
(pause)
It¡¯s like the Superdome.
That¡¯s where the Saints play, isn¡¯t it?
(pause)
Why are we sitting so far back?
ANNIE
I¡¯m an observer. Not a
participant.
EDGE
I can¡¯t hardly see anything.
ANNIE
It¡¯s not a rock concert.
EGDE
Comedy jokes.
(pause)
What are we doing here?
(pause)
Annie?
(pause)
This is, um, this is really weird.
ANNIE
Shut up.
EDGE
Shh¡¦
ANNIE
Shh¡¦
EDGE
Afternoon mass. Are you
having a nervous breakdown?
ANNIE
No.
EDGE
Then what are we doing here?
ANNIE
I want to get in touch with my spiritual side.
(cracks
open a beer)
My spirituality.
EDGE
You want to get in touch with your spiritual side. I didn¡¯t know you even believed in God.
ANNIE
I don¡¯t.
EDGE
Then what in the hell¡¦
ANNIE
I¡¯m just watching. We¡¯re
just watching. Observing.
EDGE
Ah.
(cracks
open a beer)
Have you ever been to a Catholic Church?
ANNIE
I went to church every Sunday until I was fourteen.
EDGE
I didn¡¯t know that.
ANNIE
There¡¯s a lot you don¡¯t know about me.
EDGE
Oh, I know that. That I know
really well.
(Pause. They both take a long swig of
beer. Pause.)
ANNIE
I hate this place.
EDGE
I think it¡¯s kind of peaceful.
ANNIE
Having statues stare down at you all the time. Accusing you.
Look at the altar. It¡¯s not
my fault he was crucified.
EDGE
I though you wanted to get in touch with something spiritual.
ANNIE
My shrink advised me against this.
EDGE
Uh-huh.
ANNIE
She¡¯s not right about everything.
EDGE
Well, you go to trust her though.
She¡¯s your psychiatrist.
ANNIE
She said I shouldn¡¯t be seeing you.
EDGE
Broad doesn¡¯t know what she¡¯s talking about.
ANNIE
(pause)
My mother used to love to drag us here. All the time.
EDGE
Here?
ANNIE
Yes. Growing up is pretty
much of a blank, but I sure remember this church.
EDGE
That¡¯s kind of strange.
ANNIE
Why is that strange? You
make every little thing out to be such a big deal.
EDGE
Maybe we should just go.
ANNIE
Makes me sick, this place.
I¡¯d like to burn it down.
(She
takes off one of her shoes and drops it on the floor.)
EDGE
Annie?
(She
takes off her other shoe and drops it.)
Annie¡¦ Uh¡¦
(She
reaches under her skirt and take off her underwear)
You want to back to your place or do you want to get something to eat?
ANNIE
Just stay here for a minute.
EDGE
Okay.
(She
starts taking off his pants.)
What are you doing?
(She
throws her leg over the back of the pew.)
ANNIE
Do it now.
EDGE
Now?
ANNIE
Yes.
EDGE
Here? Now?
ANNIE
Just do it.
(She
pulls him down on top of her.)
SCENE 13
Annie is in her apartment.
She is watching TV. She is
very distraught. Edge is off
stage.
EDGE
(OS)
Annie?
(OS)
Annie?
(comes
on stage with two cups of tea)
Honey?
ANNIE
Don¡¯t talk to me.
EDGE
You know, if you had to worry about every little moral transgression,
you¡¯d never get out of the house.
ANNIE
I said don¡¯t talk to me.
EDGE
I like that church.
(walks
back OS)
ANNIE
YOU THINK IT¡¯S FUNNY? IT¡¯S
NOT FUNNY!
EDGE
(OS)
Sorry.
(pause)
Is there an evening mass?
ANNIE
IT¡¯S NOT FUCKING FUNNY!
EDGE
(OS)
Annie?
(comes
back on stage)
Hey, chalk it up to something people do, all right? We did nothing we should be ashamed
of. It¡¯s an act of love. I mean, didn¡¯t you think it was
great? I did.
(pause)
What is this, the silent treatment?
This is, you know, you¡¯re acting like a fucking teenager.
(pause)
And hey, you started it. It
was your idea.
(Pause. He goes to her.)
Hey¡¦
ANNIE
(pushes
his hand away)
Don¡¯t touch me. What do you
always got to touch me for?
EDGE
What¡¯s the matter?
ANNIE
Didn¡¯t you hear what I just said?
(Long
pause.)
SCENE 14
Edge is at the bar. He is
very drunk. The Bartender listens
to him with a bored expression.
Music plays continuously through the scene 18.
EDGE
Now what kind of Catholic guilt shit is that anyway? You ever heard of such a thing? And the place was empty! See, and the
fucking thing is, it¡¯s not like it was only this afternoon. That, I could understand. Maybe. But she feels guilty after every time we make it. Every time! What kind of horse fucking shit bullshit fuck is that?
(pause)
Oh ho, that¡¯s right. But
she¡¯s always good to go as long as she has her nightly vat of wine.
(pause)
You know what¡¯s wrong with people these days? Everything¡¯s all fucked up. That¡¯s what¡¯s wrong with people these days. Haven¡¯t found a cure for cancer but
we¡¯re making word processors for cats.
Like a cat needs a fucking word processor. Am I right about this?
(pause)
Always the same thing.
¡°Don¡¯t touch me. Don¡¯t
touch me.¡± All the warmth of a
crocodile. Like my bartender.
(pause)
I wonder how many ¡°Hail Marys¡± it would take for making it in a
church. During mass. Afternoon mass. You ever been a priest?
The
bartender walks away. Pause. Edge leans over, taps his head against
lightly against the bar, once, twice, and then slams his head against it. He touches his forehead and sees he¡¯s
bleeding. He holds up a dollar
bill and calls out to the bartender.)
Hey bartender, can I use the phone?
SCENE 15
Edge calls Annie from the bar.
She is asleep in her bed.
After a few rings she picks up the phone.
EDGE
Annie?
ANNIE
Edge?
EDGE
How did you know it was me?
ANNIE
Uh¡¦
EDGE
So what are you doing?
ANNIE
Sleeping.
EDGE
Can I come over?
ANNIE
No.
EDGE
Oh, why not?
ANNIE
It¡¯s two o¡¯clock in the morning.
EDGE
Come on.
ANNIE
No.
EDGE
I miss you.
ANNIE
Um, why don¡¯t you call me in the morning?
EDGE
You want me to call you in the morning?
ANNIE
Yes.
EDGE
What time?
ANNIE
What?
EDGE
What time do you want me to call you?
ANNIE
When you get up.
EDGE
Okay. When I get up. Breakfast?
ANNIE
Sure. Goodnight.
EDGE
Like, scrambled eggs and stuff.
Bacon.
ANNIE
Fine. Goodnight.
(hangs
up the phone)
EDGE
Or a spinach omelet. Little
joe. Hash brown. Hello?
(he
hears the dial tone)
Phones suck.
(He
accidentally drops the phone as the bartender comes back in.)
Sorry.
SCENE 16
Tableau: Annie¡¯s apartment.
Annie is watching TV. After
a moment the doorbell buzzes. She
ignores it. It buzzes again and
again. She turns up the
volume.
Long pause.
The phone rings. It
continues ringing and ringing until it finally stops. She turns down the volume on the TV.
SCENE 17
Edge is at the bar. He has a
bandage on his head. He has a cup
of coffee in front of him and he¡¯s writing something on a legal pad. He puts down his pen and begins reading
a letter to the bartender.
EDGE
¡°Dear Annie:¡±
¡°I cannot imagine why you will not answer your phone and you have cut off
all contact with me. I feel this
is really unfair and I don¡¯t understand your actions.¡±
Like she cares.
¡°There is so much I don¡¯t understand about you. There is so much I¡¦¡±
Let¡¯s face it. What do I
understand about her? She might as
well be one of the mole people.
You don¡¯t talk much do you?
(The
bartender shrugs.)
¡°You have used my heart like a tree and carved your initials in it. And I
guess the only thing that will heal this pain is time.¡±
(The
bartender shakes his head. Edge
crosses it off.)
Okay, okay.
¡°I want you to know that if I could I would marry you right in the back
pew of that church where we lifted our souls to Heaven.¡±
And I would. I would do
that.
(pause)
She¡¯s all fucked up.
(pause)
I don¡¯t know. Sorry to
bother you. Can I have some more
coffee, please?
(The
bartender pours him a cup of coffee.)
You think you know somebody.
Turns out you don¡¯t. At
all. You think you do but you
don¡¯t.
(pause)
So weird.
BARTENDER
(pause)
Yeah.
EDGE
My God. It speaks! I can¡¯t believe it. Why don¡¯t you talk more, man? I thought bartenders were supposed to
talk more.
(The
bartender shrugs.)
I mean, I¡¯m not going to hold it against you or anything. Just wish you¡¯d talk more is all.
BARTENDER
(long
pause)
She ever have nightmares?
EDGE
Yes.
BARTENDER
Close herself off?
(Edge
nods)
My wife. I used to wonder
why my wife was always so cold.
Used to touch her and she¡¯d go stiff. Frightened.
Till she got a few belts in her.
Then she could relax. Did
relax.
(pause)
And nightmares.
(pause)
I asked her one time. Flat
out. And she told me.
(pause)
Odd thing was, she still wanted me to be friendly to her old man after
that. Wanted me to pretend I
didn¡¯t know, I guess. But I knew.
EDGE
(long
pause)
Oh my God¡¦
SCENE 18
Annie is asleep. The phone rings.
She picks it up. Lights up
on Edge on the bar phone.
ANNIE
Hello?
EDGE
I want to come over.
ANNIE
What¡¯s stopping you?
(She
hangs up.)
SCENE 19
Edge is standing in the doorway of Annie¡¯s bedroom.
EDGE
Hello, Annie.
ANNIE
(re:
the head bandage)
What happened to you?
EDGE
I had a little accident with the bar.
ANNIE
Are you all right? You don¡¯t
look so good.
EDGE
I know, I usually look like a movie star, but it¡¯s a different day.
ANNIE
Do you want some aspirin?
EDGE
Really. I¡¯m fine. Listen to me.
ANNIE
What?
EDGE
I think I know what happened.
ANNIE
What?
EDGE
When you were a child.
ANNIE
Um¡¦
EDGE
I was talking to the guy, the bartender guy. The guy that never says anything. He was talking to me and he, uh, he, uh, seems he knows a
lot about it. So¡¦ This¡¦ This whole thing¡¦ It¡¦
(pause)
I don¡¯t know what to say.
ANNIE
(long
pause)
When I was about seven years old my family took a vacation to
California. We were staying at
some friends¡¯ house. And I remember it being the day we were going to
Disneyland because we were all real excited. And I remember being real happy ¡®cause I was gonna meet Cinderella
and all. And I stepped out on
their back porch and I looked u at
this big tree and I saw this huge leaf.
And the sun was shining right behind it and you could see all the veins
and the green looked like really thin delicate skin. And it was really really green. And I remember thinking at the time, when I was seven years
old, I remember thinking that I will never see anything as beautiful as this.
And I don¡¯t think I ever have.
EDGE
I don¡¯t understand.
ANNIE
I don¡¯t know. Except that
things have a way of changing, I guess.
EDGE
(pause)
You were a little kid. You
don¡¯t have to be afraid anymore.
ANNIE
I¡¯m not.
EDGE
You don¡¯t need someone to protect you anymore.
ANNIE
Who said I did?
EDGE
Like me.
ANNIE
I didn¡¯t ask you to do that.
I never asked you to do that.
EDGE
Or your mother. Whatever it
was, she didn¡¯t know, did she?
ANNIE
She should have suspected.
EDGE
But how could she know?
ANNIE
She just should have known. She
was supposed to take care of me.
EDGE
But you never told her.
Whatever it was.
ANNIE
See?
EDGE
See what?
ANNIE
It is my fault.
EDGE
It is not your fault. You
were a child.
ANNIE
How could you talk about me to some goddamn stranger? And leave my mother out of this!
EDGE
Annie¡¦
ANNIE
How could you do it?
EDGE
I feel pain too.
ANNIE
Like mine? Do you feel it
like mine?
EDGE
I¡¯m not pretending I do.
ANNIE
So why do you always pressure me to talk about things I don¡¯t want to
talk about?
EDGE
I¡¯m not—
ANNIE
If I wanted you to know about it I would tell you. I told Bill about it and he cut me
dead. Like I was something that
had been used up. Something
spoiled. As if I didn¡¯t feel like
that already.
EDGE
Christ, you shouldn¡¯t feel like that.
ANNIE
How do you know how I should feel?
How can you presume to know?
EDGE
That part of your life is over.
ANNIE
You¡¯re so matter-of-fact about it.
You want to hear the details?
Is that what you want? You want
to hear some dirty little story?
Would that turn you on?
EDGE
No.
ANNIE
This whole thing came out in therapy a few months ago.
EDGE
Annie, I—
ANNIE
I didn¡¯t remember it. At first.
Anything. At all. Until I started having flashbacks. And then I remembered it. Sitting on the sofa. At my therapist¡¯s.
EDGE
Annie, honey, you don¡¯t have to tell me. I understand.
ANNIE
When it came to me for the first time I stared laughing like hell. And I couldn¡¯t stop laughing because I
knew that if I didn¡¯t laugh I was going to go out of my fucking mind. You don¡¯t want to hear about it, do
you?
EDGE
No, I don¡¯t.
ANNIE
Then don¡¯t ever wonder.
Don¡¯t ever wonder why I never talk about my therapy. And don¡¯t ever wonder why I feel like
I¡¯ve been spoiled. You couldn¡¯t
possibly know.
EDGE
(long
pause)
Annie. I don¡¯t think of you
that way. I think of you as the
best thing in my life.
ANNIE
What possible difference could that make now? Really.
(pause)
I think you should go now.
EDGE
You do?
ANNIE
Yes.
EDGE
Why?
ANNIE
Because I think you should.
EDGE
Jesus. At least tell me why.
ANNIE
Because things don¡¯t just change.
Overnight. They don¡¯t just
change. Overnight. In a day.
EDGE
(pause)
I love you.
ANNIE
I don¡¯t love you.
EDGE
You don¡¯t?
ANNIE
No. I don¡¯t. I don¡¯t love you. You should go.
(Pause. He doesn¡¯t move.)
EDGE
I¡¯m not going anywhere.
ANNIE
Get the fuck out of here!
SCENE 20
Edge is at the bar, talking to the bartender. The bartender is sitting next to him.
EDGE
You know what I like about this place? It doesn¡¯t smell like the inside
of somebody¡¯s intestines. You know
how some bars have that smell, that smell of old stale beer and cigarettes.,
sitting at the bottom of some old man¡¯s rotten guts. That smell makes me sick, boy. I¡¯ll tell you.
But I swear. You go into
those bars, you know, the old toothless bars, bars where some guy¡¯s been
sitting on that stool since the Great Depression. And they all smell like that. You¡¯d think they¡¯d air those places out once in a while, but
they don¡¯t. Makes you want to
puke.
(pause)
This joint though. This
joint¡¯s got some real class.
(Pause. Simultaneously, they both look up at
the ceiling.)
SCENE 21
ANNIE
Hello Mr. Leavitt. This is
Annie O¡¯Shea. I believe Laura
Kellogg told you I would be calling.
About the job.
(pause)
Yes. She said that you might
have a job opening. that you¡¯re
starting an agency.
(pause)
Oh. Well. I¡¯m sorry she didn¡¯t talk to you about
it. She said she would.
(pause)
Yes, in fact. I would like
that very much.
(pause)
What kind of presentation?
Uh-huh¡¦ Uh-huh¡¦
(pause)
I¡¯ll be down today to pick up the product. Can I have your address please?
(pause)
No sir. She didn¡¯t tell me
anything about the job itself.
(pause)
Uh-huh.
(pause)
No. No, that¡¯s not a problem
at all, sir. No problem at all.
(pause)
Thank you, sir. Thank you
very much.
(She
hangs up. Long pause.)
Yes!
SCENE 22
Edge and Annie are in Annie¡¯s apartment. This is a jar of Brand X hot sauce on the table.
ANNIE
So they want us to point up the fact that it¡¯s hot, and it¡¯s got a lot of
, you know, vegetables in it and crap like that. And so now I come with this thing, this mental block thing. Or whatever it is. And I¡¯ve got two days to prepare for
it. Two days! Maybe I¡¯m just not cut out for
this. Maybe I ought to be a maid.
EDGE
Stop it.
ANNIE
Fuck you.
EDGE
Fuck you too. So tell me
about the stuff.
ANNIE
What¡¯s to tell? It¡¯s
fictional. There is no such stuff
as Brand X hot sauce. Guess you
could figure that out, huh?
EDGE
Uh, yeah. Okay. So the scene opens up and we see
Prometheus chained to a rock.
ANNIE
What?
EDGE
Prometheus. He¡¯s the Greek
God that game man fire.
ANNIE
I know who he is. What are
you doing?
EDGE
I¡¯m helping you. Listen to
me for a second.
ANNIE
I don¡¯t want your help.
EDGE
The scene opens up and we see Prometheus chained to a rock. He¡¯s loosely changed, you know, he¡¯s
got his hands free.
ANNIE
I told you I don¡¯t want your help.
EDGE
Camera moves in on him and he says, ¡°Hi. It¡¯s me.
Prometheus. I¡¯m the one who
gave you guys fire. Right. Well now I¡¯ve got something just as
hot. Brand X hot sauce. Ooooo! It¡¯s hot!¡± Then we show a close up of Prometheus
chowing down on some chips and hot sauce while the theme music plays in the
background, and the announcer talks about all the fresh vegetables and crap,
and then the big guy says ¡°Ooooo! It¡¯s hot!¡± again and we fade to black.
ANNIE
That¡¯s ridiculous.
EDGE
Of course it¡¯s ridiculous.
It¡¯s advertising. But hey,
at least it¡¯s relatively creative.
I mean, what are you going to do?
Close up hot sauce, close up chips, voice over ¡°Try Brand X.¡± What is that?
ANNIE
I wasn¡¯t going to do that.
EDGE
They¡¯re not expecting you to write a campaign they¡¯re going to use. They just want to see what you¡¯re
capable of.
ANNIE
What, don¡¯t you think I, what, don¡¯t know that?
EDGE
So. Prometheus. My man on the rock. And then we¡¯ll go out and get some
dinner. Little Chinese? Mexican? Greek?
ANNIE
Wait a minute. Wasn¡¯t this
guy getting his liver eaten by a giant parrot?
SCENE 23
Annie¡¯s apartment. Annie
struggles putting on her boot.
There is a knock on the door.
ANNIE
Yeah!
(Edge
comes in. She finally gets her
boot on and flops back on the bed,
exhausted.
EDGE
Why don¡¯t we just blow off going out? Let¡¯s order pizza and get a video.
ANNIE
Okay.
EDGE
What do you want to see?
ANNIE
I don¡¯t care.
EDGE
Right.
ANNIE
What do you want to see?
EDGE
I don¡¯t care.
ANNIE
Maybe there¡¯s a movie on.
EDGE
No, there¡¯s no movie on.
ANNIE
There has to be something on.
Where¡¯s the TV guide?
(He
takes out a small wrapped box. A
ring box?)
EDGE
No. I got you a present.
(Annie
takes the present, looks at it.)
Go ahead. Open it.
ANNIE
Um¡¦
EDGE
Don¡¯t worry. I¡¯m not going
to dance again. Unless you want me
to.
ANNIE
No¡¦
(pause)
I got the job. With Bauer
and Leavitt. I got it.
EDGE
That¡¯s great! Why didn¡¯t you
say so? Well, congratulations!
ANNIE
Thanks.
EDGE
So they liked Prometheus.
ANNIE
I didn¡¯t use Prometheus.
EDGE
No?
ANNIE
No.
EDGE
So what did you use?
ANNIE
A Mexican mariachi band performing the Brand X hot sauce ballet. You know. Fat, sweaty Mexican guys in tights.
EDGE
Can I be in your commercial?
ANNIE
You¡¯re not Mexican.
EDGE
I don¡¯t have any tights either.
See, things have a way of working out. I didn¡¯t even know you had good news and here I got you a
present.
(pause)
What¡¯s the matter?
ANNIE
It¡¯s in New York.
EDGE
New York?
ANNIE
I¡¯m taking it.
EDGE
Well, no, I think you should take it. I think you should.
It¡¯s a great opportunity for you.
I love New York. I¡¯ve never
been there. Why would they hire in
Chicago for a position in New York?
ANNIE
These two guys are from Chicago.
It¡¯s real provincial shit.
I don¡¯t know.
(pause)
I¡¯m going alone.
EDGE
Is that right?
ANNIE
I have to do this by myself.
EDGE
Do what? What are you
talking about?
ANNIE
I need to work this out. I
can get through this. This doesn¡¯t
have to follow me like a shadow for the rest of my life.
EDGE
That¡¯s what I¡¯ve been saying.
ANNIE
But I can¡¯t do it with anybody¡¯s help.
EDGE
Why? Tell me.
ANNIE
Some people can have others help them. I guess a lot of people can. Do. But I know
I can¡¯t.
EDGE
Look, I¡¯m sorry about what happened to you. I really am.
But you fuck yourself time and time again. Anybody you care about it gone. You destroy everything in your path.
ANNIE
You don¡¯t know anything about it.
EDGE
Okay. Then tell me. What am I to you? I don¡¯t know anything about it? What have we been doing? I am, what? Nothing?
ANNIE
No.
EDGE
You¡¯re going to a victim for the rest of your life, is that it?
ANNIE
No.
EDGE
You don¡¯t have to be so fucking self-absorbed all the time. We could work this out if you were
willing.
ANNIE
You know what I need to work this out?
EDGE
No. Tell me. Tell me what you need.
ANNIE
Space. And time. Space and time.
EDGE
Annie, goddamn it, you¡¯re a victim.
You didn¡¯t—
ANNIE
You mean bitch, don¡¯t you?
You mean a stupid worthless fucking bitch!
EDGE
Get the fuck over it! You
didn¡¯t do anything!
ANNIE
I know that, Edge! But I have to accept that too! Here!
(she
touches her heart)
Here.
(Edge
storms out of the room. After a
long pause, he comes back in, stops
at
the foot of the bed and looks at her.)
SCENE 24
Edge is lying on Annie¡¯s bed.
There are a few moving boxes scattered about. After a moment, Annie comes in with another box and starts
packing up her stuff.
ANNIE
Jesus. Look at the time.
EDGE
I¡¯d like to travel. Wish I
was going somewhere.
ANNIE
Where are those guys?
They¡¯re late.
EDGE
They¡¯ll be here.
ANNIE
My stuff¡¯s not supposed to get there until sometime next week. It¡¯s like on the slow train. Or not the train, but you know what I
mean.
EDGE
Sure.
ANNIE
That¡¯ll give me time to look.
For an apartment. I might
end up having to put it in storage.
Just for a while.
EDGE
Storage¡¦
ANNIE
Thanks for helping me pack up.
EDGE
I¡¯m taking a break.
ANNIE
Thought I had a lot more stuff.
EDGE
I never go anywhere. I¡¯ve
never even been to Wisconsin.
ANNIE
Garage sale helped. Get rid
of it. A lot of it anyway.
EDGE
When does the guy pick up your car?
ANNIE
Tomorrow morning.
EDGE
Boy, I¡¯d hate to trust those drive-aways.
ANNIE
You got to do whatever.
EDGE
I got an uncle. Had his car
driven down to Florida. Last
Christmas. The drive-away guy
smoked cigars in it the whole way down there.
ANNIE
Really?
EDGE
Yeah. Still stinks too. Smell never left. And beer.
ANNIE
Huh¡¦
EDGE
I¡¯ve never heard of anybody moving at 10:00 at night.
ANNIE
You ever try to move in the city when all the leases expire?
EDGE
No.
ANNIE
Especially out of town?
EDGE
Uh-uh.
ANNIE
It was the only time I could get them at all.
EDGE
Huh¡¦
ANNIE
And the only reason I did was because somebody cancelled.
EDGE
Lucky.
ANNIE
(pause)
I¡¯m going to miss you. A
lot.
EDGE
You¡¯re going to be staying in a hotel and I¡¯m envious. I¡¯d like to live in a hotel room. That way I could have somebody make my
bed every day. And fresh
soap. Towels. Do not disturb signs.
ANNIE
Only until I find a place.
EDGE
That could take some time.
Never know.
ANNIE
Sublet. I¡¯ll probably
sublet.
EDGE
Sublet. Sure. You could do that.
ANNIE
Yeah.
EDGE
In New York, anyway. People
there. Apartments.
ANNIE
(pause)
I¡¯m not very good at things like this.
EDGE
Whatever.
ANNIE
I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever told you how much you really mean to me. It¡¯s not because I don¡¯t feel it. Please understand that.
EDGE
You don¡¯t have to say anything.
ANNIE
But I want to.
EDGE
Just leave it like it is.
ANNIE
Edge¡¦
EDGE
It¡¯s so funny. It¡¯s so hard
to find somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with. And when you do
and you can¡¯t have her. And not
for anything you did.
ANNIE
I know. I just wish I
could¡¦ You know¡¦
EDGE
Sure. I know. Of course I know.
(A
horn blast is heard)
ANNIE
They¡¯re here.
EDGE
About time.
ANNIE
They have to move out the back.
EDGE
Okay.
ANNIE
I have to tell them.
EDGE
Right.
ANNIE
Okay.
(Pause. She leaves. Edge is alone.
Long pause. After a moment
he puts
on
his shoes and stands up.)
LIGHTS FADE.