A New Play By
Will Kern
Copyright © 2001
Contact: willkern@hotmail.com
Current Draft Date: August 1, 2001
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE AT RISE: Mother and Father
Ballard, late 60s, sit stage left at
the kitchen table in their
small three bedroom house.
Mother has the counter top
drawers splayed in front of her;
she is lining them with fresh
paper. Father is in a wheelchair,
his leg in a cast. A pot is on the
stove, steam rising from it.
The kitchen is next to a living
area which is stocked with the
usual furnishings: couch, TV,
comfy chair, dining room table
and chairs, etc. The front door is
DR. Next to it, CR, is George’s
bedroom, and a hallway, UR,
leads to the other bedrooms and
the bathroom.
MOTHER
We got an email from Chester Black today. His prostate surgery was successful.
(Ballard grunts)
They went in through his stomach. I don't know why they did that. I would have thought it would have been much easier to go through that part, you get it, where it is, but they didn't. I thought they were just going to snip it right out, and I told him so.
BALLARD
Under the testicles.
MOTHER
What?
BALLARD
Under the testicles. That’s what you meant to say.
MOTHER
Yes, under the testicles. I forgot what you call it.
BALLARD
You forgot?
MOTHER
I didn't forget. I don't know the word for it. What's the place on a man's anatomy called between the anus and the testicles?
BALLARD
I don't have the faintest idea.
MOTHER
Well, that's what I meant. Don’t you think it’s strange they went in through his stomach? They made the incision from the top of his penis to his bellybutton, then shoved all the guts up to the breastbone. He's pretty sore. Why do you suppose they did that?
BALLARD
To make his hospital stay longer.
MOTHER
They wouldn't do that.
BALLARD
Sure they would. They wouldn't want him to get well right away, they'd be losing money.
MOTHER
I gave him your regards.
BALLARD
Good.
MOTHER
What else? What time is it?
They both look at the kitchen
clock. It's 5:55. Mother
turns up the heat on the burner,
quickly puts the drawers back in
the counter.
MOTHER
I’m going to have to finish this later.
BALLARD
Veggies about done?
MOTHER
Almost.
BALLARD
Yeah, ol' Chester.
MOTHER
Imagine, having to dig through all that fat. He said everything was fine, it went well. No chemo for him now, at least not yet. They'll be getting the test results back in a few weeks.
BALLARD
Oh, he’ll get the chemo.
MOTHER
They wouldn't do it unless they thought it necessary.
BALLARD
They will. Doctors wouldn't pass on that opportunity. With all the alternative medicine around today, he gets the chemo he’s an idiot.
MOTHER
He asked about your heart.
BALLARD
What'd you tell him?
MOTHER
I told him you were fine.
BALLARD
You didn't mention the...
(taps his cast)
MOTHER
Heavens, no.
BALLARD
Good. I want to go outside.
MOTHER
Well have dinner and I'll take you for a nice little stroll.
BALLARD
I didn't mean now.
MOTHER
(beat)
What do you think of the pastor’s comments?
BALLARD
George isn’t going to move out because Faith does.
MOTHER
He may. One less soul to torment.
BALLARD
You gonna talk to her tonight?
MOTHER
I was planning on it.
BALLARD
She isn't the problem, you know. I don't mind if she lives here.
MOTHER
We can't ask one without asking the other.
BALLARD
"Change in lifestyle"?
MOTHER
I know, but what can we do? We can’t call the police.
BALLARD
If we have to.
MOTHER
Wake up, Methuselah. You dozed off and forgot about your life.
BALLARD
I’m not old.
MOTHER
Rip Van Winkle then. You know what I meant.
BALLARD
He was old too.
MOTHER
You got an E-mail from Buddy Phelps, inviting us to his retirement party in February. I went ahead and RSVPd.
BALLARD
The boys at Amtrak are almost gone.
MOTHER
The boys at Amtrak aren't boys anymore.
BALLARD
Yeah, bunch of old bastards now. Except me, of course.
MOTHER
I think it’s a good first step. Pastor Mark always has good ideas.
BALLARD
He doesn’t live here.
The front door is flung open
and George Ballard stomps
in. He is their son, a tall man,
mid 40s, very thin, set jaw,
has sort of a ghostly look. He
is dressed in casual business
attire. He stalks into his
bedroom, slams the door
behind him. Ballard and Mother
are suddenly panicked.
BALLARD
Shit!
Mother rifles through the
cabinets. Ballard tries to
disengage himself from the
table, can't maneuver around
the legs.
BALLARD
I’m stuck! What are you doing? Gimme a hand!
MOTHER
The strainer! Where’s the strainer!
BALLARD
How the hell should I know? Forget the strainer! Get me loose!
Faith Ballard, their daughter,
comes through the back door.
Faith is in her late 30s,
impeccably dressed, every hair
perfect and in place.
She totes two Macy’s shopping
bags.
FAITH
Hello.
(notices her mother rooting through the cabinets)
He's early!
MOTHER
Yes!
Faith runs into the living area,
puts the bags on the couch,
then runs back in the kitchen,
grabs potholders, flings open
the stove, pulls out a steaming
pan of chicken breasts.
BALLARD
The hell with the chicken, I'm stuck!
She takes the chicken out to
the living area, sets it on the
table, then runs back in, grabs the
back of her dad's wheelchair and
pushes him into the living area to
his place at the table.
MOTHER
Hurry it up! Let’s go! Where’s the strainer? Faith, what did you do with the strainer?
FAITH
I have had no contact with the strainer! George cannot expect us to be out of the kitchen if he comes home every night at a different time!
Faith runs back into the
kitchen, grabs silverware,
glasses, plates.
MOTHER
It's the bus route. Blame the bus driver. If they could keep a schedule we wouldn't have to worry about it.
Faith runs out to the living area
carrying the silverware, etc.,
dumps it all on the table, then
rushes back in the kitchen
MOTHER
You're father will want a little wine. Get some out of the pantry.
Faith flings open the fridge,
grabs milk, shuffles through the
pantry, snatches up a bottle of
wine, then hurries back into the
living area.
MOTHER
They're burned again. I burned the vegetables again!
BALLARD
Well, shit.
FAITH
Don't say 'shit', Father.
BALLARD
What's the matter with 'shit’?
FAITH
It's an expletive, and it conjures an ugly picture.
George comes out of his
bedroom. He is dressed in a
filthy T-shirt and piss stained
long johns. He heads straight
for the kitchen.
FAITH
We're almost out!
BALLARD
He's coming!
MOTHER
I can't find the strainer!
George breezes into the kitchen,
goes straight for the stove.
MOTHER
Now, George...
George grabs the pot, flings it
against the wall. He goes into
the cabinets, pulls out the
vegetable strainer, puts his
foot through it, flings it
against the wall.
Mother dodges into the living
area.
George goes into the pantry,
pulls out a dented can of
porridge. He opens the can,
dumps the contents into a
pot, puts it on the stove, turns
on the fire, sits on the floor.
He looks like a pit bull
guarding his food.
Out in the living area, the three
sit at the table, set up dinner.
The only thing on the table is the
chicken, milk, wine, glasses,
silverware and plates.
FAITH
Don't we have any bread?
MOTHER
It's in the breadbox. Do you want to get it?
FAITH
Yes.
MOTHER
Be my guest.
Faith doesn’t budge. Once their
plates are full, they hold
hands, bow their heads.
MOTHER
We thank Thee, Father, for the blessings you have bestowed upon us this day. We thank Thee for Thy bounty. Bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies. Guard and keep us safe within Thy Bosom always.
They conclude with a quiet
'amen,' start eating.
BALLARD
This chicken is tasty.
FAITH
It isn’t cooked.
BALLARD
Cooked enough.
FAITH
Colin used to say eating chicken that was undercooked would give one trichinosis. He was wrong though. One can only get trichinosis from pork products.
MOTHER
How was work today?
FAITH
(sour)
Work...
MOTHER
Anything interesting?
FAITH
We got a new contract for a fishing magazine. I start proofing on Tuesday.
MOTHER
That's sounds exciting.
FAITH
Yes, a fishing magazine is the Everest of fascination. Just thinking about it rushes goosebumps to my flesh, makes my heart all atwitter.
BALLARD
What'd she say?
MOTHER
She said it makes her heart all atwitter.
BALLARD
Oh. I thought she said 'at winter.' That didn't make any sense.
FAITH
Colin would think it was funny, my working on a fishing magazine. He used to try and get me to go camping with him all the time, but I wouldn't. Imagine me in the great outdoors.
BALLARD
Say Faith, what do you call the part on the man where the prostate gland is?
FAITH
The prostate gland.
BALLARD
No, the part where the skin is. It's between the testicles and the bottom of the anus. You know, where that little...
FAITH
I'm sure I wouldn't know.
In the kitchen, George takes
out a kettle and a ladle, starts
banging on it. The others
react, try to ignore it, but can’t.
FAITH
We are drowning in a sea of vituperation.
BALLARD
A tube of raisins?
MOTHER
She said we're drowning in a sea of vituperation.
BALLARD
I need to get my hearing checked. I'm losing the hearing in my right ear.
MOTHER
Speak plainly so your father can understand you, child.
BALLARD
Wax buildup, be my guess.
Mother looks off to the kitchen,
grows increasingly annoyed.
MOTHER
It would be a blessing to be deaf in this house.
Mother puts her fork down,
scoots her chair back.
BALLARD
Just let it go. He'll quit when he's fed.
Mother gets up, walks into the
kitchen.
MOTHER
George!
George stops, stares her
down.
MOTHER
I’m not afraid of you.
He throws the ladle at her,
misses her head by inches.
She ducks back out, sits at the
table. After a pause, she
continues as if nothing happened.
MOTHER
What was that you brought in?
FAITH
Shoes. Shoes. Shoes.
MOTHER
Looks like you cleaned out the store.
FAITH
They had a sale on at Macy's. Pierre Cardin. I liked them so much I bought all eight pairs.
MOTHER
You don't wear the shoes you already own.
FAITH
It was too good of a deal to pass up. If I passed up those shoes I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
MOTHER
What you do with your money is your business.
FAITH
I wrote a short story today at lunch.
MOTHER
That's nice.
FAITH
Yes. I wrote it in my diary. Nothing happens to me much anymore, so my diary has become record of my daydreams.
MOTHER
What's it called?
FAITH
It's called The Plague. It's about this woman in the fourteenth century who runs a clothing emporium during the black plague. Nothing tacky, mind you, she sells clothes to royalty.
BALLARD
Didn't royalty have tailors?
FAITH
(ignores this)
She's dressed in something that looks like a wheat linen suit by Philosophy di Alberta Ferretti. Positively smashing. Centuries ahead of its time. Well, the Italians believed that the plague went from house to house by this little demon called the pest maiden, this little woman in the form of a blue flame that jumped out of the mouth of the dead and flew through the air to infect the next house. The pest maiden was said to flutter a blue scarf through the window, so they knew she was coming. Oh yes, everyone knew when the plague was about to strike. So this brave woman, this shop owner, she deliberately waits at her open window with rapier drawn and ready, and when the pest maiden pops her hand through fluttering the scarf, off goes the wicked hand with a single blow. She dies for the deed, poor girl, but the village is spared and she is buried with hero's honors in the local church. Her epitaph reads, "Here lies Maria Aldreto. She protected us and dressed us well."
BALLARD
Her husband shoulda killed the demon. He must've been a real pansy, letting his wife kill the thing while he's sitting back eating grapes, or whatever it is Italians do.
FAITH
Why don't you just write it yourself, you and your amazing ideas.
BALLARD
Nobody can take constructive criticism around this place.
George takes his porridge off
the stove, slams it on a plate,
sits on the floor and licks it
off the plate like a dog.
MOTHER
(carefully)
Faith, you're father and I are getting on in years. It's not that I would ever want to make you or your brother feel unwelcome because I think of this house as the place where you grew up and I know you have a lot of wonderful memories here. But I think it would be best if we started to think about moving on, possibly.
FAITH
(bitter)
That's funny, Mother. Where would I go?
BALLARD
Hawaii. That's where I'd go.
MOTHER
I think it's something you should think about. We should all think about. You could come over anytime you want. We'd keep fresh sheets on the bed in case you wanted to stay over.
FAITH
I'm not the one causing stress around here.
MOTHER
(pause)
Well. We don't have to talk about it now. Have you taken a look at my tomato plants lately?
FAITH
No.
MOTHER
You should see them. They're as big as basketballs.
FAITH
A colossal exaggeration.
MOTHER
Not basketballs, let's say. Grapefruit. We'll take a look at them after dinner.
BALLARD
I thought we were taking a stroll after dinner.
MOTHER
We are.
BALLARD
Fine with me.
(to Faith)
So you don't know what that part is called, is that what you're telling me, the part between the anus and the testicles? Been so long since I've been down there...
FAITH
Father...
MOTHER
Your father is asking because Chester Black just had his prostate removed, and we were wondering why they went through his stomach instead of that area under the testicles.
FAITH
Ah.
BALLARD
You remember Jimmy Dean Bastrop? He had his prostate removed and they had to give him a colostomy bag.
FAITH
I'm eating.
BALLARD
Imagine having a colostomy bag. I'd hate that. Every time you'd take a shit it'd come out on your stomach.
FAITH
I said I'm eating!
BALLARD
Could be worse, though. They could have had to saw his leg off. Imagine not having a leg. I should know. Look at me. Friend of ours one time went to the hospital and he had gangrene in his right leg, and it was real obvious which leg was the one that was supposed to be sawed off ‘cause it was pretty much rotten you know, but they sawed off the other one instead.
MOTHER
The wrong leg.
BALLARD
Yeah. They left the leg on with the gangrene. So of course that had to come off too. Poor Stumpy.
MOTHER
I thought Stumpy was wounded in the war.
BALLARD
This was in the war.
MOTHER
Oh.
FAITH
(quietly)
He needs to go into an institution.
BALLARD
What'd she say?
MOTHER
She said‑‑
FAITH
Shhh!
(whispers)
George. George needs to go into an institution.
BALLARD
And you don’t? I’d love to go to an institution. I could play cards all day.
MOTHER
What makes you think you’re not in an institution now?
George finishes his porridge
tosses the plate on the floor.
BALLARD
(touches his chest)
Oh...
MOTHER
What's the matter?
BALLARD
(labored)
Nothing. It'll pass.
MOTHER
(stands)
Do we need to‑‑
BALLARD
No! Sit, Mother. Sit down. I'm fine. Touch of indigestion.
MOTHER
Are you sure?
BALLARD
Course I'm sure. What kind of a man doesn't know what's going on in his own body?
MOTHER
(sits)
Well. As long as you're sure.
George goes out to the living
area, perches on the couch
like a giant bird.
MOTHER
Well look, Gene Krupa’s come to join us.
BALLARD
Honey, get me a pain killer, will you? They’re on the coffee table.
Faith gets up, gets his
medication.
FAITH
I don't know why you don't just get the angioplasty. It's a very simple procedure.
BALLARD
You’re not a doctor. What do you know about it?
Ballard tries to ignore the
pain, takes a mouthful of
food. He spits it up in his
napkin just as Faith hands him
the pill bottle.
FAITH
Well. That is appetizing.
She sits back down. Ballard
breaks open a capsule, dabs the
contents under his tongue.
George moves to the table, starts
to take the chicken off Mother’s
plate; she slaps his hand away.
MOTHER
Knock it off!
George points to Mother's plate,
whistles.
MOTHER
Do you want this?
(he nods)
Then say so. I know you can talk. I know you understand everything we say. You go to work eight hours a day where you're around people eight hours a day. You communicate with people eight hours a day. If you want this chicken you’re going to have to ask for it. You're going to have to talk to us.
He doesn't answer, just points
at the plate, whistles. She
hands it to him and he rips at the
chicken like a wild animal.
Ballard drains his wine glass.
MOTHER
You really shouldn't...
BALLARD
It’s the uh, whatever. It’s okay. Wine’s okay. It’s not a clotbuster. Chemical. It’s natural.
MOTHER
Well…
BALLARD
It’s uh, it’s uh…
FAITH
Herb.
BALLARD
Herb.
MOTHER
(to Faith)
Buddy Phelps is retiring, did I tell you?
BALLARD
Pass me the wine.
FAITH
I would like to be excused.
Blackout.
SCENE TWO Ballard and Mother in the
living area, going over travel
brochures.
MOTHER
You'd miss your Bears games.
BALLARD
This day and age you can watch anything you want wherever you are in the world. And we aren't talking about moving there, just getting away for a couple weeks. Haven’t you ever heard of the miracle of cable television?
MOTHER
Or a month if we're going to the Holy Land.
BALLARD
We're not going to the Holy Land.
MOTHER
But you hate oriental people.
BALLARD
Hawaiians aren't oriental. They're Polynesian.
MOTHER
What about your angina?
BALLARD
My heart's fine. Stop worrying about my damn heart. And hey, if we go, I'll get a chance to look up that acupuncturist Arny Drucker went to.
MOTHER
If you want to go to an acupuncturist, you can go here.
BALLARD
The guy in Hawaii's supposed to be great. The best! Not like the Mickey Mouse...
MOTHER
Dr. Grizzard mentioned, those herbs you’re taking…
BALLARD
Better than blood thinners.
MOTHER
They could worsen your condition.
BALLARD
Arny Drucker? Huh? We need a better example?
MOTHER
Arny had tumors in his colon.
BALLARD
Yeah, and they shrunk 'em like a shrunken head, the herbs did.
MOTHER
It's not the same thing.
BALLARD
So what do you think? Hawaii is perfect, no question about it. I'm thinking about it like this: We can sit around if we want to, just sit around in the sun...
MOTHER
Which sounds terribly boring.
BALLARD
Or we can really live it up. Eat what we want, drink what we want, within moderation of course. We could hit the night spots. Sure! You and me, we could go to piano bars if we want, or go hear a jazz band.
MOTHER
Hitting night spots doesn't sound like anything we'd do.
BALLARD
When you go on a vacation you’re supposed to have fun and get away, create a memory.
MOTHER
Is that what the brochure says?
BALLARD
That's what I say, and it's true. Brochure says the same thing, what's the difference?
MOTHER
Oh, let’s go to the Holy Land. We could take a cruise! We could see Egypt and the pyramids as well. Wouldn’t that be fun?
BALLARD
Yeah, fun. Jews and Arabs setting off pipe bombs. Sure, that’d be real great for my heart. And what's so great about the pyramids? Bunch of rocks stacked on top of each other.
MOTHER
There’s a sense of adventure.
BALLARD
We go to Hawaii we can go see where Elvis shot that cliff diving thing.
MOTHER
That was Acapulco. I’m half this equation too.
BALLARD
I tell you what, we’ll go to the Holy Land after Hawaii. I’ll tell you what, we’ll go to the Holy Land from Hawaii. Go to Hawaii then zip right on over.
MOTHER
That’s not practical.
BALLARD
Mother, when I was driving the trains I used to dream of the day I'd stop moving. Now that day is here and what do we got? Time not moving, time not experiencing something, doing something, is wasted time. Every since the angina I've been looking back on our life, what we've been doing, and all I can see is work and blank years and wasted time. I don't want to waste time anymore.
MOTHER
I know what you mean.
BALLARD
Man's got to live with the time he's got left. I’m not even so sure we should visit Hawaii. I think maybe we ought to just move there.
MOTHER
Stop making fun of me.
BALLARD
I’m not making fun of you. What do we got here?
MOTHER
Our lives.
BALLARD
You want George out of our lives, you want to cut Faith loose, give her a little freedom, we move to Hawaii, and we are, we are thousands of miles away.
MOTHER
I’m not leaving this house.
BALLARD
What’s so great about this house? We’ll sell it. We’ll sell it and we’ll buy something really nice, a little condo or something that looks out onto the ocean, where we can sit on the balcony and look out at the stars.
MOTHER
This is my house. I built the front porch. I put up the rain gutters. I laid the linoleum in the kitchen. I picked out the wallpaper. I am not going to be driven out of my own house.
BALLARD
George is not leaving.
MOTHER
Well we’re not leaving either.
BALLARD
You gonna wait until he drags you across the driveway again, your arms get all cut up with the gravel? Then, suddenly, then, then…
(beat)
I apologize.
MOTHER
Nobody saw that.
BALLARD
It was uncalled for, I know. I’m not a mean spirited man. Do I seem like a mean spirited man? Could you have lived with me all these years if‑‑let’s say for a second we don’t leave. Forget the kids. That mean we’re gonna grow ancient and die in this frozen city?
MOTHER
It’s our home.
BALLARD
It’s not our home. It’s a house we live in. The home we have is you and me.
MOTHER
I’m willing to talk about going to Hawaii on vacation, but we are going to stay the course here. If the pastor’s plan doesn’t work we’ll see what happens after that, but I’m not going to be pushed out. I built this house. This house is mine.
BALLARD
You didn’t build this house. This house was here forty years before we moved in.
MOTHER
You worked all your life to pay off the mortgage and we are not going to be bullied out. We’re not going anywhere.
BALLARD
You get to the land of the grass shack and you might change your mind.
MOTHER
If I have to, I’ll be the one does the pushing.
BALLARD
Sure you will, mother, sure you will.
MOTHER
I will.
BALLARD
I got the perfect way to go too. I was checking into it, and this place called Jupiter Travel runs a courier service between Chicago and Hawaii. Round trip, a hundred and fifty bucks!
MOTHER
What's the catch?
BALLARD
No catch. You let them have your baggage allowance and they give you a carry-on parcel for the overhead. Then you get a carry-on for yourself.
(she looks at him)
So you're gonna put the kibosh on it.
MOTHER
On a courier service? Yes.
BALLARD
You’re an old broad. Maybe you should try and have a few laughs once in a while.
MOTHER
Cheapskate.
BALLARD
Don’t call me a cheapskate. I got a heart condition.
MOTHER
Yeah, play on my sympathy.
George comes in with a box
full of rusty canned goods
with faded labels. He plops
down on the floor. Ballard,
without comment, wheels
himself into the bathroom.
MOTHER
Don't do that in here.
George ignores her, takes out
a can of at a time and dents it
with a hatchet, then puts the
can back in the box. He
whacks a can and soup
sprays everywhere. He
grunts angrily.
MOTHER
You're gonna clean that up.
He ignores her, continues
whacking cans. She reaches
over and takes out one of the
cans, looks at the label.
MOTHER
This expired two years ago. It's rotten by now.
(puts it back in the box)
If you're going to kill yourself, botchulism is not the way to do it.
He continues whacking the
cans.
MOTHER
George, I think it's about time you found yourself a nice little apartment. I saw in the paper yesterday they're opening a new high rise by Navy Pier. You could have girls over.
He stops, looks at her, then
continues whacking the cans.
MOTHER
You can't stay here much longer, George. I'm afraid your father is going to have a heart attack you put so much stress on him, and I can't have that, so I'm afraid you're just going to have to go.
(pause)
I know what you're trying to do. Do you want me to call the police? I will bring the police in.
George gets up, crosses to the
phone, hits 911. He holds out the
receiver. Mother doesn't move.
MOTHER
Do you want to be a senior taking care of seniors?
George drops the phone on the
floor, picks up the case of cans
and the hatchet and walks into
the kitchen.
MOTHER
(calling after him)
I'm not cleaning that up!
George stacks his cans in the
pantry. Mother goes to the
telephone, hangs it up, then
comes into the kitchen, grabs a
roll of paper towels.
Faith comes through the front
door carrying five new dresses.
FAITH
Mother!
Mother comes back out,
starts to dab up the soup.
MOTHER
Where have you been?
FAITH
(shows her the dresses)
Neiman Marcus. They got in their Lanerie Agnona collection today. Look at these patterns. Exquisite. They were inspired by Sita, the Goddess of Creation. Chic, yet subtle. Casual, yet dressy. You should have seen the store. It was replete with the elite. Positively popping. Colin used to hate going shopping with me. I used to leave him at the cineplex where he would go catch the newest violent gun opus Hollywood seems to think is so precious these days. He likes those movies. Who knows why?
(notices the mess)
You spill something?
MOTHER
Your brother was botchulating his food.
FAITH
I have to fix my hair.
She goes to the bathroom,
tries the door. We hear
Ballard on the other side
shout "Be out in a jiffy."
Faith walks over to the
mirror, pulls a large can of
hairspray and a comb out of
her purse, the can and the comb
start flying.
MOTHER
Don't do that in here.
FAITH
Father is in the loo.
MOTHER
Then wait till he gets out.
FAITH
This'll just take a minute.
George walks through the living
room and into his bedroom,
slams the door behind him.
MOTHER
I don't know why use that junk. It's got to be bad for your hair.
FAITH
Does my hair look damaged?
MOTHER
No.
FAITH
That's right. It's not hairspray that's bad for your hair, it's cheap hairspray. And at thirty dollars a can this is hardly what you would call cheap. Colin used to say, "Why spend thirty dollars on a can of hairspray? You're going to go outside and the wind's going to blow your hair around anyway." He never understood. If you are going to use hairspray, never use the cheap stuff. I don't want to look like I'm wearing a helmet.
MOTHER
It smells cheap.
FAITH
(puts the hairspray down)
How do I look?
MOTHER
You look like you always do.
FAITH
Mother, I have to tell you something. It's very important.
MOTHER
Are you moving out?
FAITH
No.
MOTHER
My children won't leave the nest. They refuse to leave the nest.
FAITH
Don't you want me here?
MOTHER
You know I love you, Faith. You're like a best friend to me. But...
FAITH
But what?
MOTHER
Wouldn't it be better if you lived closer to work? You have to get up at four o'clock in the morning just to get to work by eight. It takes you two hours by train.
FAITH
That takes money.
MOTHER
You've got money. You don't pay rent or bills, you don't spend money on food.
FAITH
I shop though.
MOTHER
Stop shopping then. You've got dresses in your closet with the price tags still on them. My goodness.
FAITH
That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about, Mother.
MOTHER
What?
Faith pulls her mother to the
couch.
FAITH
I got my credit card bill in the mail yesterday.
MOTHER
I didn't see any credit card bill.
FAITH
They send it to me at work. Mother, I'm twenty five thousand dollars in debt.
MOTHER
Faith!
FAITH
I don't know how it happened.
MOTHER
(angry)
You don’t know‑‑It's called living beyond your means!
FAITH
You don't have to get apoplectic.
MOTHER
Wasn't there something that went off in your head, some kind of light bulb or something? I can't believe you spent all that money and there wasn't something up there that was telling you to stop!
FAITH
There was. I just didn't.
MOTHER
Don't look to me for help. I can't help you.
FAITH
Okay.
MOTHER
What did I do? What did I do? I wish God would show me what I did to raise such children.
FAITH
I think you did a good job.
MOTHER
I did a terrible job.
FAITH
I'm not a bad person. You raised me as a good person. Even Colin said so.
MOTHER
You're retarded.
FAITH
Mother!
MOTHER
You've got, I don't know, what do you call it... Stunted... You don't have a, you don't have a grip on reality! It's my fault for letting you live here, for not encouraging, for not making you to go out into the world!
FAITH
I go out into the world five days a week.
MOTHER
That's work, I'm not talking about work, I'm talking about your life. You've had one relationship with a man, and you talk about him like he's still a part of your every day.
FAITH
He is, kind of.
MOTHER
You see? You see what I'm talking about? It's time for you to move on, not just out of here, but move on with your life. You're a very attractive woman. There's tons of men out there who would love to snap you up. I know you like men. I know you're not a lesbian.
FAITH
Don't be repulsive, Mother.
MOTHER
Well why don't you go find one? Why don't you go find one and get out of the house?
FAITH
It's not that easy, Mother. I've been looking. Nobody ever asks me out!
MOTHER
Maybe that's because you're thirty-eight years old and you live with your mother and father and you've always lived with us. Did it ever occur to you that maybe that's the reason why Colin broke it off with you?
FAITH
He broke it off with me because his father died. He said so. "I can't love anybody. I haven't been able to love anybody since my father died three years ago." He said that.
MOTHER
Which sounds like a convenient way of giving you the brush off.
FAITH
And I haven't always lived with you.
MOTHER
When did you not live with us?
FAITH
I lived with Paula Drumgoole after I graduated college.
MOTHER
Oh yes, the infamous Paula Drumgoole.
FAITH
It isn’t my fault it didn't work out. She wore my clothes without asking.
MOTHER
Faith, you lived with that girl for two weeks! That's not living out of the house! And that was sixteen years ago!
FAITH
So I'm a freak, is that what you're saying? I belong in a sideshow?
MOTHER
Maybe that's what I am saying. Maybe I've raised a couple of retarded circus freaks. The aging cover girl who spends all her money on clothes and can't get a man and the dog boy who throws my vegetables against the wall.
FAITH
Don't lump me in with him.
MOTHER
Why not? You're as crazy as he is, just in a different way.
FAITH
I'm not crazy. I'm lonely.
MOTHER
I know you are, honey, and I'm sorry, but living here is not going to change that. The point is, we need peace and quiet. Your father needs time to heal.
FAITH
I am not tension's escort. Father likes having me here.
MOTHER
You make me tense. By in turn, I make your father tense. And forget about George!
FAITH
I don’t make you tense.
MOTHER
We don't need to get into that, darling. It wouldn't do either of us any good.
FAITH
I know. I'm sorry. I'm a terrible person. I just wish there was something I could do.
MOTHER
You're like a drug addict.
FAITH
I know. I am like a drug addict. Like that awful Gina Easton.
MOTHER
House rule number one?
FAITH
I know, yap shut on GE. Now I'm going to be paying over four hundred dollars a month just in interest. That doesn't knock any of the principal off. It's going to take me thirty years to pay off this debt.
MOTHER
(pause)
Listen, I'll tell you what. I think I can help you. You've got yourself in a terrible jam with this credit card business, but I think I can help you out.
FAITH
You can?
MOTHER
Yes. I'll lend you the twenty five thousand dollars.
FAITH
You will? Oh, thank you, Mother. Thank you. I'll pay you a thousand dollars a month. I wouldn't want to burden you by having the loan go on longer than two years. I'll be in the poor house for the duration, but I guess I'll manage. Somehow.
MOTHER
On the condition you move out.
FAITH
Well. I don't need the loan, Mother. It would be better for me anyway to live here while I pay it off. Then I don't have to pay rent. Forget I brought it up.
MOTHER
I insist on it.
FAITH
No, really, it's okay.
MOTHER
Faith, I can't give you a choice in this matter. Do you understand that? You've got to move out.
FAITH
(pause)
All right. If that's what you want.
MOTHER
I think it's best for you, honey. I want you to be happy. And it's as plain as the nose on your face you're not.
FAITH
Colin used to say that.
(beat)
I know. Shut up about Colin. He's gone.
MOTHER
I didn't say that.
FAITH
I'll pick up a copy of the Trib and see what's listed.
MOTHER
They’ve just opened a new high rise on Navy Pier. We will take a look at it this afternoon.
FAITH
All right, Mother, if you insist.
MOTHER
Good. And you are not to tell your father about the loan. You know how he is about money.
FAITH
I wouldn't tell him.
MOTHER
Good.
FAITH
These apartments are nice?
MOTHER
I'm sure they are.
FAITH
(sullen)
I need one with a lot of closet space.
MOTHER
It's time, child.
FAITH
It's not that, Mother. I...
Faith leads Mother into the
kitchen.
MOTHER
What is it?
FAITH
If I move out this house will go down the mudslide of entropy.
MOTHER
I don't know what that means, dear heart.
FAITH
Steady degradation of this house under George's hand. And then what will happen when he's in control?
MOTHER
Just say it.
FAITH
I'm afraid George is going to hurt you and Father.
MOTHER
Your being here wouldn't stop him.
FAITH
I think it would. I think it does.
MOTHER
It is incomprehensible to me why you would say that.
Faith looks off into the living
area to make sure they have
privacy.
FAITH
Are you calm?
MOTHER
Yes.
FAITH
Because I don't want to talk about this if you're not calm. I've been wanting to talk to you about this for a long time, but if it's not a good time right now...
MOTHER
I'm calm. You're the one that's not calm.
FAITH
George belongs in a mental institution.
MOTHER
You said that the other night.
FAITH
He'd be happier there.
MOTHER
With no one to torture?
FAITH
He'd have people to take care of him, cater to his every need. He hasn’t spoken to us in twenty years.
MOTHER
Eighteen years. He was twenty-three at the time. And ‘speaking.’ That’s a relative term.
FAITH
You’ll be safe.
MOTHER
I appreciate your concern, but‑‑
FAITH
We could get a doctor to make a psychiatric evaluation and‑‑
MOTHER
What if he’s judged sane? He has the capacity to get along with others. He does every day at his job! What then? They'd release him and then he'd come back with a vengeance!
George comes out of his
bedroom carrying the axe.
He stops and listens to their
conversation.
FAITH
No, no, that's not right. I talked to Colin about it.
MOTHER
I’m not interested in what Colin has to say.
FAITH
He said we could get a doctor to look at him, someone from the psychiatric hospital, we could draw up papers. All you need is a doctor's signature and a co-signer from the family. You could sign the papers, he could be committed indefinitely.
MOTHER
I refuse to do that.
FAITH
What about Father's heart?
MOTHER
I refuse to do it.
FAITH
He’s trying to kill him.
MOTHER
We are fixing the problem.
FAITH
Certainly the statute of limitations—
MOTHER
NO!
FAITH
He's going to take that axe he uses to dent his food cans and bury it in your face.
MOTHER
He is my son. God gave him to me the way he is for a reason, like He gave me you. It is our cross to bear.
FAITH
I am not a cross you have to bear. I’m the only thing standing between you and destruction.
MOTHER
The Lord works in mysterious ways and we must leave it to Him to protect us.
FAITH
It doesn't have anything to do with the Lord. It's not some kind of punishment.
MOTHER
I wouldn't be so sure of that.
FAITH
Well, if you're not going to, I'll do it myself. I'll get the doctor in here to take a look at him. You're all I've got, mother. If he hurt you, I don't know what I'd do.
MOTHER
There will be no more talk of committing George to any institution.
FAITH
Mother!
MOTHER
If you go against my wishes you I will never speak to you again. You will be dead to me. Is that clear?
FAITH
You would take him over me?
MOTHER
If it means committing him, yes. Now do I make myself clear?
Ballard wheels out of the
bathroom, sees George
standing there with the axe.
He freezes.
FAITH
Yes, Mother, perfectly clear, but I think you’re being incredibly foolish. This wheel of fate you’re spinning is rigged with sarin gas!
Faith goes into the living area,
walks past George and Ballard
without looking up, then down
the hallway and into her
bedroom. The door slams!
behind her.
George turns around and buries
the hatchet in the wall, walks into
the kitchen and out through the
back door. Mother goes to
Ballard in the living area.
BALLARD
He heard you.
MOTHER
What do you want me to do about it?
BALLARD
We take the money out of the bank and don’t leave a forwarding address.
MOTHER
No.
BALLARD
George won’t say anything. Faith won’t.
MOTHER
I won’t be thrown out of my own house.
BALLARD
Then come up with a solution!
She looks up and notices the
hatchet, pulls it out of the wall.
A loud thump! comes from the
back door. They look to the
sound. Thump! Thump!
MOTHER
My tomatoes!
BALLARD
Mother…
MOTHER
He’s destroying my garden…
She starts for the kitchen, stops.
She puts the hatchet on the table,
then steps to the front door.
BALLARD
Where you going?
MOTHER
I’m going to talk to the pastor.
BALLARD
Don’t even think about mentioning Gina.
MOTHER
I want him to pray for us.
She leaves.
Ballard wheels himself over to
the table, picks up the hatchet.
He gets out of his wheelchair and
plops down on the couch. He
shoves the hatchet deep in the
couch, then flips on the TV.
Tomatoes slam! the back door.
Blackout.
SCENE THREE Later that evening.
Ballard watches TV on the sofa.
Faith is at the table, writing in
her diary. She is dressed in her
nightgown. Ballard is groggy
from medication.
FAITH
Father, how do you spell ‘granulocytopoiesis’?
BALLARD
Bears lost again.
FAITH
You shouldn't be so emotionally attached to a sports franchise. It's unhealthy.
BALLARD
What did I do with the remote?
FAITH
(points to the comfy chair)
It's on the‑‑I'll get it.
BALLARD
No, don't get up.
Ballard stands, reaches for the
remote. He looks a little
unsteady, like he's about to fall
over.
FAITH
What's the matter?
BALLARD
The vasodilators the doctor gave me make me dizzy.
FAITH
Then you need to go back to the doctor and get different medication.
BALLARD
I'll go back when my prescription runs out.
He grabs the remote and sits back
down, flips through the channels.
FAITH
Sunday night TV is a desolate wasteland. Nothing but sports recap.
BALLARD
You ever heard of anybody named Merlow?
FAITH
Is he a designer?
BALLARD
Is he a liner?
FAITH
I said is he a designer.
BALLARD
Oh. How should I know? Damn body. You get to be a certain age and everything starts falling apart, falling apart and you can't stop it. Next it'll be my liver, you watch. Or my pancreas.
FAITH
So who is this Merlow? One of your Chicago Bears?
BALLARD
I was out here on the couch last night sleeping when I was visited by this ghost in what I believe was soldier's gear telling me his name was Merlow and he wanted to possess my body so I could tell the world about happened to him. He even showed me where he was buried. It was a forest, in Korea I think. For a moment there I almost said yes, but there was something, some wee small voice inside me that was going, 'no-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, don't you dare! It’s possession.' Merlow kept assuring me he didn't want to possess me, just find out who his killer was, use my body to do it. I didn't see how his controlling my body was not possession, so I didn't invite him in.
Faith closes her diary, locks it,
then sits on the couch next to
Ballard.
FAITH
It's a good thing you didn't. I read this book once about ouiji boards, there was this lady who let a spirit take control of her body, and the spirit beat her and raped her and shred her flesh, and she told the spirit she was going to commit suicide and the spirit said, "Good, I'll be waiting for you over here."
BALLARD
It was funny though because this Merlow was persistent, and tempting in a way, almost like a devil, like he had something to offer that was too good to say no to. Pretty damned weird.
FAITH
Yes.
(beat)
Don't swear, Father, please? It's vulgar.
BALLARD
I’ve been dreaming a lot lately. Been seeing a lot of Korea in my dreams.
FAITH
(motions to the TV)
What team are they playing? Your Bears?
BALLARD
Minnesota Vikings.
FAITH
Their uniforms are unharmonious. You know what you should do? You should write their front office and tell them to match the colors of their helmets and shirts.
BALLARD
Yeah, I’ll get right on that.
FAITH
You should! Their shirts are a deep purple and their helmets have that awful washed out tone.
BALLARD
I can’t tell.
FAITH
Are you tired? You look a little tired.
BALLARD
The pain killer's kicking in. You all packed up?
FAITH
I'm getting there. The movers are going to do a lot of it.
BALLARD
When do they come?
FAITH
Tuesday morning, eight a.m.
(sighs)
Day after tomorrow.
BALLARD
You really don't have to move if you don't want to.
FAITH
Have I told you about my apartment? It's small, only three bedrooms, but it's real cute. Twenty-seventh floor view of Lake Michigan.
BALLARD
Why do you need three bedrooms?
FAITH
I like my space.
Their eyes go back to the TV.
After a moment, she turns to him.
FAITH
May I ask a question?
BALLARD
Sure.
FAITH
Are you afraid of George?
BALLARD
(looking around)
No. I’m not afraid of anybody.
FAITH
Do you think he belongs in an institution?
BALLARD
Well, of course he does.
FAITH
I'm going to propose something to you but I don't want you to get mad at me. Mother said if I brought a doctor over to look at George she would never speak to me again. But we could have him committed. You understand what that means? He'd be in an institution probably for the rest of his life.
BALLARD
We’re not going to do that.
FAITH
Why not?
BALLARD
You know very well why not.
FAITH
You could get her out of the house and I’ll set up an appointment with somebody from Illinois Psychiatric to come in and take a look at him. I was thinking around dinner time when George is in all his splendor and glory. Once they see him, they'll have to take him. All you have to do is get a doctor to sign the papers and someone else to co-sign.
BALLARD
It couldn’t be that easy.
FAITH
Colin said it was.
BALLARD
That’s an idea you just need to get out of your head.
FAITH
You both are so stubborn.
BALLARD
I mean Colin. You need to get Colin out of your head. Fat chance of that though.
FAITH
I think he knows a little bit more about it than you.
George opens his door, walks
sleepily into the bathroom. They
stop speaking until they hear the
door close.
BALLARD
I've tried to be a good father to both you kids. What the hell makes him so angry? I saved that little junkie’s life.
FAITH
(tries to quiet him)
Why don't you see what else is on?
BALLARD
Son of a bitch was born with something wrong in his head.
Ballard flips around on the
remote.
BALLARD
I don't know how we ever lived all these years without the weather channel.
Faith and Ballard stare at the
TV. She gets up.
FAITH
I'm going to bed. Do you need help getting into bed?
But he’s asleep. She shuts off
the TV, gets up quietly, and
moves down the hall to her
bedroom.
Pause. George comes out of
the bathroom. He glances at
his father, then creeps quietly
over to him. He perches on the
couch, leans down and
whispers into Ballard’s ear.
The old man shivers.
Faith comes back in for her diary,
stops when she sees George.
George turns around. Faith takes
a cautious step towards the table,
picks up her diary. George steps
toward her.
FAITH
Mother! Mother!
George stops, glides into his
bedroom. Mother bolts out from
the hallway dressed in her
nightgown.
MOTHER
What!
FAITH
George was whispering in Father’s ear!
She goes to George’s door,
bangs on it.
MOTHER
Get out here right now! George? I am fed up with this foolishness!
Nothing.
She goes to Ballard, tries to
shake him awake. He’s in a
medicated stupor. She pulls
him off the couch.
MOTHER
Help me get him into the bedroom.
FAITH
Yes, Mother.
Faith helps Mother put Ballard in
the wheelchair.
Lights slowly fade.
SCENE FOUR Ballard and Faith are in the living
area having morning coffee.
Mother is in the kitchen,
getting herself a cup. Faith is
dressed in yet another
designer suit. She applies
copious amounts of hairspray.
FAITH
What time’s your appointment?
BALLARD
Four, but you know how doctors are. That bastard'll make us cool our heels in the waiting room for at least an hour. Like I don't have anything better to do with my time. Bastards!
FAITH
So you won’t be back until six-thirty then? Or later?
BALLARD
Why do you ask?
FAITH
I thought you and mother and I could partake in some delicious comestibles to celebrate the advent of my new life.
BALLARD
Are you saying you want to go out to dinner?
FAITH
Yes.
BALLARD
Why don’t you just say that then?
FAITH
I did.
BALLARD
We’ll have to make it another night. I don’t know what time we’re going to be back.
FAITH
It’s like you said, it’s probably just wax buildup.
BALLARD
Shoulda done this months ago. They got a machine that can suck all the wax right out. Course that'll probably take ten hours. You could go to the emergency room with your goddamn head in a basket and they'd make you take a seat. Bastards!
FAITH
(tries to calm him)
It’s okay…
BALLARD
You're not talking to a five year old here, all right? A little less of that tone in your voice.
FAITH
Shhhh…
BALLARD
Don't shush me.
FAITH
Yes, Father. I won’t shush you, Father.
BALLARD
Oh, give it a rest. You make me sick with your yes father and no father and please stop swearing, it’s vulgar father. What the hell’s wrong with you?
Mother comes in, crosses to
the couch.
FAITH
Father's humors have tipped the foul scale this morning.
MOTHER
You should be happy. You're getting your cast off.
BALLARD
(re: the hairspray)
What are you doing? You're poisoning me over here.
FAITH
I have to look nice for the movers.
BALLARD
Why do you put that stuff all over your head?
MOTHER
It was nice Tandem gave you off today.
FAITH
Yes, the fishing magazine will just have to wait.
BALLARD
Do that in the bathroom.
FAITH
Do you mind if I spend my last moments in the house I grew up in with my parents, the only people I ever truly loved?
BALLARD
You're not spending it with your parents, you're spending it with the mirror. Where the hell are the movers? They were supposed to be here at eight.
FAITH
It's not eight yet.
BALLARD
My day, man made an appointment, he kept it.
FAITH
Yes, I'm sure everything was better in your day.
MOTHER
You don't have to be snippy.
FAITH
I'm not being snippy. He's the one being snippy!
(finishes)
There. How do I look?
BALLARD
The movers will not be able to work. They'll be too busy swooning.
MOTHER
Be nice to Faith.
BALLARD
Damn house is going to smell like hairspray till next Easter.
FAITH
I'm leaving today. For good. You could at least show some filial piety.
BALLARD
Filial piety? I don't even know what the hell that is. Why don't you stop talking like a goddamn dictionary?
FAITH
Don't swear, Father‑‑
BALLARD
I'll swear if I want to! It's my goddamn house!
MOTHER
You’re taking your first steps on your healed leg today. Don’t be grumpy.
BALLARD
And how am I supposed to manage that? Son of a bitch whispering in my ear.
FAITH
What do you plan on doing about it? Anything?
MOTHER
We’re fixing the problem.
FAITH
You are not fixing the problem at all. Are you going to have to lock yourself in your room every night when he gets home? Is that how you’re going to fix the problem?
MOTHER
This doesn’t concern you anymore.
FAITH
Yes it does.
BALLARD
I hate this goddamn wheelchair.
FAITH
It does concern me. You’re my parents.
MOTHER
You don’t have to use the wheelchair. You can use the crutches.
BALLARD
Woman, if I wanted to use my crutches, don't you think I would? They chafe me. How many times do I have to say that?
(starts to wheel himself to the front door)
I'm going to go out on the porch and wait.
MOTHER
It's too cold.
BALLARD
Somebody get the door for me. Faith?
MOTHER
I said it's too cold.
BALLARD
It ain't the Chosan Reservoir, all right? I think I can stand a little weather.
Faith opens the door. Mother
gets up, pushes Ballard out
onto the porch.
Faith goes into the kitchen.
She starts to pour herself a
cup of coffee, but her shaky
hand can't hold the cup. She
puts her hand to her mouth,
sobs quietly.
Mother comes back inside,
shuts the door. She looks
around for Faith, then heads
into the kitchen. She glances
up at the clock. 7:59.
MOTHER
(gently)
Faith. It's almost eight.
Faith pours herself a cup of
coffee and Mother heads back
into the living area. George
busts out of his bedroom,
dressed in business casual,
ready for the work day. He
stalks to the kitchen.
Faith comes out as he goes in.
She sits at the dining room
table, sobs uncontrollably.
George reaches into the
cupboard, swipes away cups
until he comes across his
plastic traveling mug. He
takes out a pan, puts water in
it, puts it on the stove, then
goes for a jar of instant
coffee. It's empty. He goes
into the coffee maker, pulls
out the used grounds, throws
them in the water. He waits.
FAITH
Colin always said I should move out. I should have done it years ago.
MOTHER
I should have forced the issue. You’re a productive member of society.
FAITH
Poor Faith just didn't understand that Colin didn't want her, that she was something he had that he just didn't want anymore.
MOTHER
You're still young.
FAITH
I'm going to be forty in two years.
MOTHER
That's not old these days.
FAITH
Yes it is. The life expectancy in Sierra Leone is thirty seven. If I lived there I'd be an old lady.
MOTHER
But you're not in Sierra Leone. You're in Chicago. And there's a lot of single men in Chicago.
FAITH
Not for me there's not.
MOTHER
Faith...
FAITH
You were right Mother when you said I was a freak.
MOTHER
I was angry.
FAITH
I am a freak.
MOTHER
You'll meet somebody. You'll get married. You'll be happy.
FAITH
No I won't. Things like that happen in other people's lives.
MOTHER
You can't expect things to just happen. You've got to make changes yourself.
FAITH
I know.
MOTHER
If you sat around here for the next twenty years, you think you'd be happy?
FAITH
I'd be with you and Father.
MOTHER
But you're miserable.
FAITH
Yes. But it's what I know. Now I'm going to be miserable and I'm not even going to be with you.
MOTHER
You don't have to be.
FAITH
I'm sorry if I've been a burden.
MOTHER
You haven't been a burden. Your father and I always liked having you here.
FAITH
Then why do I have to go?
MOTHER
Faith...
FAITH
Why do I have to go, Mother?
MOTHER
We've been all over that.
FAITH
George won't move out just because I do.
MOTHER
Maybe he'll see how successful you are and realize his place isn't here with us.
FAITH
The Wishful Thinking Fairy has sprinkled magic dust in your coffee.
MOTHER
The pastor is confident this’ll work. We have to start somewhere.
FAITH
Do you know what you're going to do with your new found freedom, now that you don't have your daughter swinging from your neck like the proverbial albatross?
MOTHER
Be fair.
FAITH
Just asking. There must be something you want to do.
MOTHER
What would I do? I think we're going to take a cruise.
FAITH
A cruise?
MOTHER
Yes. I've always wanted to go to the Holy Land. Walk where Jesus walked. And now that your father is getting out of the cast…
FAITH
You think Jesus would kick His only daughter out of the house?
MOTHER
Would Jesus’ only daughter run up her credit cards on New York's latest fashions?
FAITH
Mother, if it's just the debt, we can forget about that. I can pay it. I can sell my clothes, I can liquefy my assets.
MOTHER
You don’t have any assets to liquefy.
FAITH
I could go on the cruise with you. We'd have a blast, just the three of us. You'd need somebody to help take care of him, get him his pills, help him walk if his leg started hurting.
MOTHER
Faith, you're going to be way too busy with your new life. You don't want to be around old people.
FAITH
(bursts into tears)
You're not old, Mother. I'm old.
George takes the pot off the
stove, pours the coffee with
the grounds and the filter into
his coffee cup. He drinks it,
breezes into the living room.
Mother stands. George stops
when he sees Faith crying.
MOTHER
Your sister is moving out today. Don't you think you should say goodbye to her?
George walks past them and
out the front door, leaves it
standing open.
FAITH
My makeup is running. I must look hideous.
MOTHER
You look fine.
Ballard wheels himself in.
BALLARD
Movers are here. Just pulled up.
MOTHER
Faith...
FAITH
Yes?
MOTHER
I'm going to need your key.
Faith moves over to Mother, gets
on her knees.
FAITH
Don't make me go, Mother! I swear I won't put anything else on credit! I swear I'll stop shopping! I'll find a man! If you don't want me to speak to you I won't! You'll never even know I'm here!
BALLARD
What's this about credit?
FAITH
I've torn up all my credit cards!
MOTHER
(to Ballard)
It's nothing.
(to Faith)
Get up...
FAITH
Don't make me go! I won't do anything to displease you! I won't. Just please don't make me go!
BALLARD
She doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to.
MOTHER
Yes she does!
BALLARD
Come on, Mother, look at her.
MOTHER
She's going! The movers are here! She's moving today!
FAITH
I can break the lease.
MOTHER
Faith, you're moving out!
(she disengages her daughter, stands)
And it's not your lease to break. We paid the security deposit.
Mother steps out the front door.
FAITH
I don't know what I did...
BALLARD
You didn't do anything.
FAITH
No. I did something. I don't know what I did. I don't want to move, Daddy.
BALLARD
I know.
FAITH
He’s going to hurt you!
BALLARD
We'll be all right.
FAITH
I can’t let him do that. I won’t…
BALLARD
Your mother and I are going to have to sort it out, what we’re going to do with George. But we’ll do something. Don’t cry, sweets.
FAITH
He’s going to kill you. He’s Merlow, he’s the ghost of your dream. You know that’s what he wants to do. And you’re going to let him.
BALLARD
We’re going to work it out.
FAITH
No you won’t.
BALLARD
Hush now.
FAITH
Let me call the hospital.
BALLARD
No.
FAITH
We can put him away for good.
BALLARD
We can’t.
Faith sobs uncontrollably as the
lights slowly fade.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
SCENE ONE Lights up on the empty house.
The clock in the kitchen says
5:50. Muffled voices, scratching,
comes from outside the back
door. We hear a click and the
door swings open. Faith has
picked the lock with a credit
card. She comes in followed by
Dean Stodder, 30s, of the Illinois
Psychiatric Mobile Unit. Faith is
very nervous because of what she
is about to do; also, she is quiet
taken with this man.
FAITH
I apologize profusely. My mother always keeps the spare key under the ceramic frog. I don't know why it isn't there. George must have taken it.
STODDER
So he knows I'm coming.
FAITH
I don't think so, but you never know. The walls in this house are pure cheesecloth.
(slips the credit card in her purse)
Thank Heaven for plastic.
She goes to the fridge, pulls out a
packet of frozen vegetables, then
gets a pot, fills it with water and
puts it on the stove.
FAITH
I think it would be a good idea to move the ambulance a couple blocks away. George will see it when he gets in.
STODDER
Does he come through the back door?
FAITH
No.
STODDER
Does he walk past the driveway?
FAITH
No.
STODDER
Then he won't see it. It’s better they’re close by anyway, in case we need them.
FAITH
Yes, that's probably correct, but we don’t want the nosey parker neighbors peering suspicious from behind drawn curtains. I'm sure the phone lines are already burning like Nero's orchard just from seeing you drive up.
(motions to the stove)
I'm glad you're going to get the whole picture. Colin says illustration is the best example, and I have to tell you I agree with him.
STODDER
When did he start the abusive pattern, throwing the vegetables against the wall, like that? When did he start lapping the food off his plate? Was it‑‑
FAITH
About two months ago, after my father’s angina pectoris.
STODDER
Two months ago?
FAITH
Yes.
STODDER
I was under the impression he'd been doing it for years.
FAITH
Oh, no.
STODDER
Has he ever harmed you or your parents physically?
FAITH
No.
STODDER
Just this mental abuse which your mother and father tolerate?
FAITH
Yes. He lives to torment us.
STODDER
Your father should call the police and have him forcibly removed from the premises.
FAITH
He's not going to do that. You are the last resort and our only hope.
Faith goes to the back door,
looks out.
FAITH
It's good they're here. Comforting. Should I offer them coffee while they're waiting? I wouldn't want them to feel like second-class citizens.
STODDER
They'll be all right. We picked up dinner on the way over.
FAITH
Being a paramedic must be a truly horrific occupation. To look at blood all day long. And burn victims. Suicides. Can you imagine?
(beat)
I get depressed sometimes. Sometimes I feel like jumping off the Michigan Avenue bridge, plummeting downward into the murky depths of oblivion. It's a very popular suicide spot, did you know that? They fish bodies out of our famous Chicago River all the time, three or four times a month.
STODDER
I understand how you feel. Life can be overwhelming at times.
FAITH
Of course, I would never do that.
STODDER
Well that's good to hear.
FAITH
(turns back to Stodder)
Imagine how I'd look once I spattered the water. It crushes you, you know, a fall from that height. My corpuscles would burst, my skin would turn purple, my body would swell. I’d be absolutely ruined! No, I'd do it where the body is perfectly kept, sleeping pills and alcohol probably, like Marilyn Monroe, and I'd make sure I was dressed just right for the funeral. A white Chanel suit with matching shoes and handbag. And they couldn't open just the top half of the casket, they'd have to open the whole lid so during the viewing everybody could see what I’m wearing.
(laughs)
Well. That is cheerful.
STODDER
Are you on anti-depressants now?
FAITH
What? Of course not. I’m not the one that’s crazy.
STODDER
There’s no shame in it.
FAITH
Of course there isn’t and I have nothing to be ashamed of. Mr. Stodder, do you know how long this is going to take, this interview? My parents have asked me that we get him out of the house before they arrive back from the hospital.
STODDER
Please. You don't have to call me Mr. Stodder. My name is Dean. The less formality we have in this situation the better.