There was one time I really wanted
Revenge. I'm telling you right now,
boy. I hated that guy so much. And I
got it. Got it good.
See, I had a snowball in my hand.
And, uh, I was going to hit Harold with
the snowball, see. So Harold was
coming down the street, and I was
laughing to myself because I know how
funny Harold is, see. Every time you
hit him with a snowball in the face
BLOP! he always says the same thing,
he says "Hey man, what you want to hit
me in the face with a snowball for,
And I just laughed "ha ha ha ha ha!"
So I'm just waiting for him, man. I got
this light fluffy snowball, you know,
ready to hit him. And that's the rules
of the game. You cannot hit a kid in
the face with a slushball. A slushball, it
has ice and water and gunk all in it,
you know, and you can't hit a kid in the
face with it. You can not drop it in his
open galoshes either, because it
sends him home, you know. "Hey,
what did you want to drop it in the
galoshes for, man?" You know.
So. I'm tickled to death, man,
because I know PLOP! "Hey man, what
you want to him me…" And he's about
three feet away and I raise up to hit
him and suddenly POW! On the side
of the face… And it was stinging…
And all the juice ran down in my
underwear, and everything. And there
was ice all in my ear.
Somebody hit me on the side of the
face with a slushball!
And I looked around with one eye and
there's old Junior Barnes just
a'laughing. "Ha ha hah ha! Cosby, I
got you good, I hit you real good, didn't
I? Ha ha ha ha ha!" And I said, "Hey
man! What you want to hit me on the
side of the face with a slushball for,
man?" And I picked up the snowball
and I threw it at him and I missed him
and he started running I said, "Junior
Barnes! You come back here!" And I
chased him and I threw another one at
him I couldn't catch him! And I cursed
at him I was so mad! "You gunky!
You stink! Junior Barnes, you gunk!
Come back here, I'll punch you right in
Hit somebody in the face with a
slushball. Let all that stuff go down in
And I didn't even care. I just sat right
down in the snow. I was so mad. And
it started to melt right thorough my four
pair of corduroys. And I didn't even
care. Because I know when I go home
the only thing my mother's talking
"You dummy! How come you just sit
down in the snow and let it just melt
through your four pair of corduroys?"
"Yeah mom? Well what do you care?
That's all you care about, somebody
sitting down in the snow and letting it
melt through your four pair of
corduroys. You don't care that Junior
Barnes hit me on the side of the face
with a slushball and let all the gunk go
down in my underwear because if you
did care you'd go out and get him!"
I'm going to get Junior Barnes. I'm
going to get you Junior Barnes, boy I'm
going to get you. And I started to
make a snowball for Junior Barnes. I
made a snowball that was so round
and so perfect. And it's got a little
name inscribed (on it) says "Junior
Barnes." And I went out looking for
"Junior Barnes? You gunky… Oh…
Junior Barnes." I couldn't find him.
And it was 7.30. I had to get home
before the monsters come out. And I
took that snowball home. And I put it in
the freezer. And I waited.
July. July 12th. My birthday. It was
104 degrees in the shade. Not a
snowball in sight.
Junior Barnes was sitting on the steps
in front of my house. I was standing
there with him. I had gone to great
lengths to prove to Junior Barnes that
I was his greatest friend. Let him drink
out of my orange soda bottle without
even wiping it off. And old Junior
Barnes just sitting there telling his little
jokes, "ha ha ha ha ha." And I was
laughing right with him, "Junior Barnes,
you are so-o-o-o-o- funny ha ha ha ha
ha!" And I said, "Junior Barnes, I'm
going in the house, and get an orange
soda for us. You just wait right here.
ha ha ha ha ha." You gunky.
And I walked in the house, and opened
that freezer door, and my mother had
thrown the snowball away.
So I went back outside and I spit on
This assigned reading is for the debate/story club meeting to be held at Yonsei University FLI
on January 19, 2008 at 10:00am.
Fluffy: Light or airy.
Galoshes: Rubber boots worn in bad weather.
Tickled to death: very amused
Corduroy: A type of fabric.
Gunk: A substance of dubious merit. (slang)
Gunky: A child's description of something unpleasant (slang)
Inscribed: Written in a special way.
Gone to great lengths: Tried very hard; put in much time and effort.
Wiping it off: Cleaning it, in this case, cleaning the bottle opening after the other
boy drank from it.
Written and Performed by Bill Cosby
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